


A Really Bad Idea

by KingWinston



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: AU neighbours, Boys In Love, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:14:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 35,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26650528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingWinston/pseuds/KingWinston
Summary: Winston does everything in his power to get close to the new guy at school who also happens to be his neighbour and his best friend's brother...
Relationships: Estela de la Cruz/Jessica Davis, Montgomery de la Cruz/Winston Williams
Comments: 115
Kudos: 209





	1. Hello Neighbour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story is written in Winston's POV.

**Chapter One**

"I think someone's finally moving into the Baker's house." My mom was always nosey. Even now, as she standing by the window, she pulls the curtains back and stares.

The Baker's house has stood empty for years, no one who currently lives in the area even knows who the Bakers are but it's known as the Baker's house. Rumour is that the daughter committed suicide in the bathroom and the house is believed to be haunted. So then it stood there, rotting away for years and no one wanted it. The price just kept going down and down and...

"Hmm," my mouth says and my mother brings the mug of coffee to her lips. I'm sitting on the couch, reading a book for English. It’s my summer reading and I should have finished it weeks ago but I only just started it yesterday. Hopefully, I manage to finish it before school starts which is next week.

I put the book to the side and I join my mother's side. Sure enough, there's a moving van parked outside the house almost completely hiding the house. I watch as the large men open up the back of the van and start unloading furniture into the front garden.

My mom finally peels herself away when she smells the scent of burning and she realises that the potatoes are still in the oven. She shouts at me for being unorganised but I’m pretty sure I get it from her.

I'm about to sit back down on the couch too until I see something or someone that catches my eye. A jeep parks just in front of the moving van and I realise that they must be my new neighbours.

I wait as I watch a girl with slick black hair get out of the back. She’s wearing a summer dress and holding a small fluffy white dog in her arms. She’s pretty and I’d totally crush on her if I was straight. 

Next, a woman comes out of the passenger's seat of the car. The mother I assume. She looks older than my mom and she's definitely skinnier and paler. She plays around with some keys in her hands and then she walks up the path to the house to open the door for the moving in men.

I think that's it until I realise that someone must have been driving that car. Must be the dad. A male walks out but he doesn't look old enough to be a dad. I can't tear my eyes away from him.

He has a permanent frown on his face like he's shielding his eyes from the sun. He looks very tanned, dark brown hair styled upwards complements his face and bone structure. He could be a model.

Black jeans cling into his legs like they were designed perfectly just for him as he walks over to the back of the van to help out. He then rolls up the sleeves of his red flannel shirt and the veins on his arms stand out.

Fuck. Why am I already thirsting over some guy I've seen once? But then I remember that he'll be living here so I'll be seeing him more and more often. I smile. Even if he's not gay, he'll be pretty to look at.

My mom walks out of the kitchen and she joins my side again. I suddenly feel like a creep for staring at this guy. I mumble something about needing to finish my book for English and then I walk upstairs to my room.

Luckily my room faces the front of the house and I can stare at my new obsession in peace. I try to work out how old he is, he could be my age or he could be way too old for me. He doesn't look like a schoolboy but he doesn't look like an adult either.

I'm deep in thought trying to work out this guy's whole life story to notice that suddenly my mother is crossing the street and walking toward the house opposite.  _ His _ house. What is this woman  _ doing? _ Has she gone insane?

I open my window slightly just so I can hear what she's saying. She says something like ‘welcome to the neighbourhood’ but I can't focus on her. The guy is drinking from a bottle of water, he downs it all in one drink and he squashes the plastic bottle down with one hand as he drinks. I think my insides practically turn to mush.

Some water dribbles down his chin but he wipes that with his sleeve. He throws the bottle into the large trash can standing outside and then he starts to take off his flannel. Now he's got more than my full attention.

He ties it around his hips and he's... He definitely models. He  _ must _ . It would be a waste for him not to. His arms are perfect even if they look like they have cuts and scars on them. Actually, that just improves his whole look.

I stare at him dreamily and then I snap out of it when I hear my mother mention my name. Oh God, what's she said now?

I glare at the back of her head and I tune into her conversation as she speaks to the older woman. "That's good! They could be in the same classes, Winston wouldn't mind helping out."

Same classes? Please please please tell me that the guy is my age. I look at him just in time to see him smirk. He turns to the younger girl. "What kind of name is Winston?" he whispers. The words aren't even audible but I can read his lips and my heart sinks. The girl and the boy laugh and grin at each other and I'm suddenly fed up with myself for letting myself get so lost in my fantasy. I pull on the window handle and I close the window with a loud bang.

I'll never forgive my mother for embarrassing me like this.

***

Three days have passed since the new family moved in. I tried to ignore them, I really did. But then one night it was two in the morning and I got woken up by a loud bang.

I got out of bed to look out the window and I saw the guy getting into his car. He wasn't driving away, he just sat there in the dark and I could hear the faint sound of music escaping his jeep.

I stared at him for way longer than I should have. I couldn't help it. He sat there with a grimace on his face and all I could do was imagine all the things that he could be thinking about. When I finally went to sleep, I dreamt about him. I dreamt about going outside, knocking on the glass of his window and then we sat in his car and talked about everything.

Except he doesn't like my name. And it was all just a dream.

I couldn't keep my eyes off of him after that. It was like a reflex to look up and stare out of the window for a few seconds just to see if he might be out there. He usually wasn't but the few times that he was (like this morning) it always made my day. This morning, he walked out of the house wearing nothing but loose pyjama bottoms. He stayed outside and he stretched and looked around the neighbourhood like it was only just getting to him that he was living here now.

"For goodness sake! Winston!" my mother shouts and I cringe when she uses my name. I hate it now. I've always hated it, I used to get teased terribly for it in middle school but I kind of forgot about that since I started high school. And all this guy had to do was make one comment about it and here I was, hating it all over again. I wonder what  _ his _ name is.

He looks like a football player, like the jocks at school. I think about their names, Zach, Bryce, Luke, Diego... But none of the names fit him.

And then my mother is shouting my name again. "Huh?" I turn to her and she shakes her head.

"I asked you to go to the store for some milk, you don't need to get ready like you're going to be walking the runway," she tells me and she crosses her arms over her chest.

I pay no attention to her and I stand in front of the mirror. My hair decides to be especially annoying today and it won't even stay up properly.

"Winston!" my mother says and I sigh. Does she not understand that I can't be looking like a beggar when he could be looking out of the window. I don't wanna look like shit when he sees me for the first time. I have to stay alert.

She presses a ten-dollar note into my hand and then I walk out of the house sulkily. She mutters something about how she thought bringing up a boy would be a million times easier but obviously not. I apologise for wanting to look good.

I keep my head down and I don't look around. I want to look like I couldn't care less about what I look like, I want to seem like the cool kind of guy who can even pull off a disgusting red flannel. No wait, that's him. 

I stay alert even when I reach the store but he's not there. And I just wasted half a tub of hair gel for nothing. I buy myself a Mars bar as a treat to cheer myself up.

So I drag my feet across the sidewalk, a plastic bag with the cartoon of milk in one hand and a Mars bar in the other one. I bite into the chocolate and I chew as I turn the corner to start walking up to my house. That's when the guy decides to show himself.

He's walking his dog, the small fluffy white one. He's got him on a leash and he manages to look good walking a dog in what looks like a pair of joggers and an unzipped hoodie. No shirt underneath. Definitely a model

I panic and I try to swallow the chocolate down as quickly as I can. I end up choking on it and then I start coughing trying to get it out. Fuck. I just couldn't embarrass myself any further.

He’s not looking my way though, he crosses the road towards my house and then he walks in the opposite direction, presumably heading for the park. 

I really hope he didn’t see me or I’ve really blown it.

***

Not like I had a chance in the first place. Telling myself that makes me feel slightly better. He was definitely straight.

I stayed up all night yesterday just to finish that book for English so now I've got dark circles under my eyes. I have to use concealer to mask them even if it's only a little.

I glance briefly at the house opposite mine but it looks quiet and peaceful. The house needs a lot of work doing, yesterday I watched the guy and his mother pull the weeds out in the front garden. They ended up on the ground laughing and he looked so good when he smiled or laughed. He looked good full stop.

Even though I know that there's no way he'll ever look at me now that he probably saw me choke on a Mars bar, I still think about him all throughout breakfast.

I can't even eat properly, that's how nervous I am for school to start. What if he's in my classes? What then? Do I say hi and casually mention that we're neighbours? Yeah and then I should also tell him that I've been watching him like a stalker for the past week while I'm at it.

Get a grip, Winston.

Junior year. And I still have to walk to school. Mom refuses to get me a car until I get my driving license and I don't want to take the bus because it stinks and all the older guys throw things at you and mess up your hair. Or maybe that's just me.

If I could, I would ask my mom to drive me to school. It might be embarrassing but it would be better than walking. I certainly preferred it that way last year. But now she got promoted at work and she has to wake up and leave the house even earlier. She leaves the house even before I wake up. At least she can't moan about the amount of time I take just styling my hair.

The backpack feels heavier with every step I take even though it's only half full. I've got my schedule in my pocket, my phone, my pens, my keys... I triple check if I have everything even though I also checked about ten times when I was home. I just really don't want to be turning around and walking back home now that I'm already halfway to Liberty. Only a twenty minutes walk or so.

I meet up with a friend halfway through. He waits on his doorstep and the minute he sees me, he grins and walks over to me.

Charlie St. George, Liberty's quarterback (gay quarterback that is) and my best friend. I tell him about my new neighbours on the way to school. At first, he doesn't really care but once I start describing the guy he quietens down and listens. He even asks me to repeat some parts like the way he drank from the water bottle. I keep some parts to myself. Like him walking out and spending half the night in his car or waking up early and stretching outside while only wearing his pants. Those seem too personal to share.

"He might be a senior," Charlie says hopefully and he has that dreamy look on his face. I suddenly regret telling him anything. Usually, I'm fine to talk to Charlie about boys but I don't want him to start crushing on my neighbour. If he does, I'll have no choice but to use the 'I saw him first' rule.

"First lesson?" Charlie asks me after putting all his new books into his locker. Charlie’s always been way more organized than me, he's already got everything he needs while I'm carrying two notepads and a pencil in my bag. It's not that I don't have the money for new supplies, I just can't really be bothered getting them. Except for when it's art supplies then I can be bothered. No art today though which is a shame.

"Psychics," I reply with a groan and the only good thing about it is that Charlie is in my lesson so we can at least suffer together.

My neck feels bare without my camera around it but the school banned cameras since they found this one guy taking pictures of girls without their knowledge and there was a whole investigation going into it. I was even dragged into it just because I owned a camera. It was ridiculous.

I don't even focus during psychics. I watch the door for the whole time waiting for the latinx to enter and ask if he’s in the right room and then the teacher looks at his schedule, says yes and points to the empty seat next to me. That’s  _ after _ I push Charlie out of his seat of course. I need to stop daydreaming about him, it's seriously starting to become an issue.

"Winston!" Mrs Mardue snaps at me and I immediately blush realising that I've been staring into space gormlessly. I mumble an apology and Charlie teases me after class asking if I was busy thinking about my neighbour again.

"Fuck off," I say and he laughs at me. I still look around for him or his sister in the school corridors and at lunch. I even stare at the table of jocks to check if he's sat somewhere in between them. That's the table that Charlie is supposed to sit at but he doesn't fit in, he prefers sitting with me and I have no other friends apart from Jessica. Except she's spending so much time with Justin now that they got back together again.

By the last lesson of the day, I've completely lost faith that I'll see him. He's either way older than I thought or he goes to a different school. I'm not surprised, Liberty doesn't have the best reputation.

But then Spanish comes around and the girl who lives opposite me walks in and looks around the classroom nervously. I'm glad that Charlie does German and the seat next to me is empty. Forget everything I said about Jessica and Justin getting back together, I'm so fucking happy that they're together and sat with each other right now.

The girl still stands there and I do the only thing I can think of doing, I wave at her. He looks behind her like she thinks I'm waving to someone behind her. But I smile at her and then she starts to walk over.

So I'm guessing that she's the one who is supposed to be my age. Kind of disappointed but whatever.

"You can sit here," I tell her and she glances at the empty seat next to me before grinning and sitting down next to me.

"Thanks," she says quietly and puts her books out onto the table. Now would be a good time to say something before things turn awkward.

"I'm Winston," I say and I want to slap myself straight away. Her eyes widen and I realise how her older brother slandered my name in front of her.

Then she smiles at me sweetly. "Hey, are you the... We moved in and there's this guy living opposite us called Winston," she tells me and I'm glad that I at least made some impact for her to remember my name.

"Um... Yeah, that's me," I admit shyly and my cheeks heat up. "I saw you moving in." She nods and she doesn't ask any more questions. Okay so maybe they haven't seen me observing their house 24/7.

"Oh!" She raises her eyebrows and then her cheeks turn light pink. "I'm Estela." Our short introduction gets interrupted by the teacher who starts the lesson and tells us which page to turn to in the textbook.

I try to think of something to say to carry the conversation on and maybe even direct it to her brother but I don't have to, she easily starts a conversation herself.

"God, I hate Spanish," she mutters loud enough for me to hear.

I chuckle lightly at her and click my pen so I can start writing. I write down the date in Spanish on top of the page. "Why did you choose to do it then?" I ask. We have three language options at Liberty, Spanish, French and German. I wanted to do German but the class was full as so many people wanted to do it because it was the 'easiest to learn'. Spanish certainly isn't.

"My family actually speaks Spanish," she says quietly as she flicks through her notebook. "My dad and my brother actually. I just picked up on some things over the years. Thought it would be fun to..." But I zoned out after the word brother. Fuck, he speaks Spanish? As if he couldn't be more perfect. I realise that Estela has also mentioned her father but he doesn't live with them, or I haven't seen him around yet.

"Your brother?" I ask pretending to be completely clueless about the fact that she has a brother. "Is he the... The guy that moved in with you?" I'm choosing my words carefully trying my best to sound as casual as possible even though my heart is racing. Do I dare ask her how old he is?

Estela nods. "Yeah. Monty," she says and I repeat the name several times in my head. It's not what I was expecting but it fits him perfectly. "He's fluent in Spanish so if I ever need help or anything, I could just ask him. You too actually. Just cross the road and I'm sure he'll be glad to help."

The way she's talking about him makes me feel like I've known them for years and coming over to ask for help with homework would be the most natural thing in the world.

"Right," I say casually so I’m not making any promises. The teacher tells us off for talking and threatens to separate us so I keep my mouth sealed for the rest of the lesson because I don't want to lose the only connection I have to Monty. Plus Estela turns out to be pretty cool.

I offer to walk her home since she says that her brother will probably be too busy to remember to pick her up. Charlie tags along too but he stays back and sometimes joins into the conversation. Fortunately, he's not stupid enough to mention Monty and make us both seem like stalkers but I only relax once we drop him off at his house.

"So how are you feeling after your first day at Liberty?" I ask her desperately trying to start a conversation with her before the last one even gets the chance to die out.

She shrugs and then smiles at me. "I... I'm feeling optimistic actually," she admits and it's the kind of thing I expected her to say. She just radiates positive energy and just being around her makes me feel slightly better.

"I'm happy to hear that," I say and she smiles at me. Then she pauses and I don't like the look on her face. I hope I didn't say anything weird.

She stops in the middle of the pathway and smiles nervously at me. Oh no. Did she get this all wrong? I'm not into her, I'm into her brother. The last thing I want to do is have his sister crushing on me.

"Listen Winston..." he says and she looks around nervously. My mouth suddenly feels dry. Is she about to ask me why I've been staring at her house for hours and hours non stop when I thought no one was watching? Or did she somehow figure out that I'm crushing on her brother?

"Yeah?" I put my hands in my pockets trying to seem casual.

Estela laughs nervously. "I just think you should know that... I'm lesbian. So I case you were like-"

Oh. OH.  _ I  _ got it all wrong. I've never been this happy to be wrong in my entire life. Although I'm disappointed that my gaydar let me down.

"Oh, no. I-" I say and then I start laughing. "I'm gay too actually," I add and she raises one eyebrow before breaking into laughter too.

"Oh my God, aren't we a pair?" she says and then we resume walking just laughing. I wait for another window of opportunity to stir the conversation in Monty's direction again but nothing comes up. We've got approximately five minutes of walking left and I need to use that time wisely.

"So how are you settling in? Is moving in going okay?" I ask and Estela shrugs like she doesn't really want to talk about it.

"It's... There's a lot of work that needs to get done and there's only three of us so... " she trails off and there's my opportunity.

"I could help out," I offer and she stares at me. Oh no, was I too forward? Fuck. But then she smiles.

"Are you serious? That'd be great, thank you!" she says and I notice that she has a similar smile to Monty. Good genes must run in the family. "We're actually, erm. We're going to be painting on Friday so if you'd like..."

"Yeah. I'd love to help," I say and suddenly my hands feel sweaty because I'm thinking about thirty different scenarios of what could happen.

"Great," she says and as we get closer, I see that someone is crouched over by the fence around their house. Monty is on his knees and he's painting the fencing with white oil paint.

Estela starts to pick up the pace and I wonder if I should cross the street now before I embarrass myself or if it's better to stick around and see what happens. No, I can't risk it.

I shout a 'goodbye, see you tomorrow' to Estela and then I quickly cross the road. She frowns but I keep my head down and I don't look up until I'm standing in my living room. I sigh with relief and then I grin at myself in the mirror.

My mom isn't home yet and I twirl around the living room like a madman. Literally nothing happened but for some reason, I feel like I might actually have a chance with Monty.

The first thing I do when I lay down on the couch is get my phone out and search him up on social media. Monty de la Cruz. I saw the surname on Estela's notebook and I repeated it in my head a few times so I wouldn't forget it.

There are no people with that name in the area on Facebook and I check Instagram next. Nope, nothing there either.

Maybe Monty is an abbreviation of something? I search for Estela instead and I find her almost straight away. I send her a friend request on Facebook and a follow request on Instagram. For some reason, I feel like she won't mind it. Not even a minute has passed and I got two notifications, one from Facebook and one from Instagram. Damn, Estela is fast.

I scroll down her feed and my heart almost stops when I see a picture of Monty. Dated to almost a year ago. November eleventh and the caption reads:

**_Happy 17th Birthday!_ **

Seventeenth? So... Monty’s almost eighteen? Why didn't he go to school then? Maybe he’s homeschooled or something.

I tap the photo to check for tags but there are no tags. I almost like the photo so I turn my phone off and put it to the side before I can do something fucking stupid.

So he doesn't have social media. Right. Fuck he's like difficult to get close to. I can usually determine whether someone's gay or not through text so this could be a challenge.

I guess I'll just wait until Friday.


	2. Name Game

**Chapter Two**

Monty hadn't shown up to school for the rest of the week and I was seriously starting to think that he was being homeschooled. By the time Friday came around, even Jess and Charlie were keen to see Monty show up at school.

"I haven't made him up!" I argued whenever Charlie and Jessica ganged up on me and questioned the existence of my new neighbour. Fortunately, Estela was enough proof to change their minds and the picture on her Instagram confirmed it.

I felt bad, like I was using Estela. She was my friend but when she wasn't around all I did was talk about her brother and I knew that she'd think I was a freak if she found out.

Walking Estela to and from school became the new norm. I tried to catch a glimpse of Monty every time but I always chickened out and I didn't want to come too close.

On Friday, the jeep wasn't parked in front of the house when I walked Estela home. The plan was to go home, get changed into some dirty clothes to paint and then come over again. Except I don't want to be wearing dirty old paint-stained clothes when I first talk to Monty. I've already got it figured out, I have about ten conversation starters prepared.

I don't even eat when I get home. I walk in, throw my school bag on my bed and then I look through my closet for something to wear. Nothing seems good enough. Some outfits scream too snobby and some scream too shabby. In the end, I settle for a pair of black jeans and a plain black T-shirt. Wearing all black in the summer? Yep, really smart. I'm prepared to suffer just to be able to look good.

Estela’s mom opens the door when I knock, Monty's jeep is still nowhere to be seen. "Hello, you must be Winston," she says and she invites me inside with a warm smile. She sounds quiet and soft like she's scared to raise her voice. It's not what I thought she'd sound like.

"Estela is upstairs getting everything ready if you'd like to join her," she tells me so I thank her and then I go up the stairs. The layout of the house is almost identical to mine except theirs is still unfinished and there are random bin bags and cardboard boxes laying around all over the place.

I walk up the creaky stairs and I look around for Estela’s room. I'm hoping to 'accidentally' walk into Monty's room to see what it looks like but all the doors are shut except for one where Estela is standing and quietly cursing under her breath as she wraps a pillow in plastic foil. She looks up and notices me standing there.

"Oh hey. That was quick," she comments and I offer her a nervous smile. "I would just drag everything out until the room was empty but... I already moved in and I don't want to be doing it again. So foil it is."

We’re painting so, of course, we don’t want to get anything dirty. When I walk into her room it seems that it’s the only room in the house that looks finished. The floorboards look new, the bed, the carpet and the rest of the furniture also fit into the room. She’s got this whole cottage core theme going on and I love it honestly. There are plants standing on a table but it looks like she’s just taken them down from the large white shelves.

Estela’s bedroom is the one facing the back of the house so there's still a chance that Monty's bedroom is the one in front. We could have our bedrooms facing each other.

I help Estela completely cover her bed in plastic wrap because she gets annoyed and frustrated with having to do it piece by piece.

"And what about the floor?" I ask and then we cover the floorboards with newspaper. It's actually quite fun and I forget what I'm doing here in the first place after a while.

"Monty would kill me if I damaged the flooring," Estela sighs. "It took him almost two full days just to finish the floor here." I imagine Monty helping out in the house, muscles straining, sweat running down his chest and-

Fuck, I'm so horny for no reason. I need to stop it.

"So where is he then?" I ask casually. "Monty." I had this idea that the three of us would be painting, messing around and then suddenly Estela leaves to get herself cleaned up and... Yep, my imagination is certainly going too far.

"Gone to pick up the paint," Estela tells me. "We only had white paint left and I don't want white walls." She gestures to the walls and then she sits down on the floor covered in newspaper.

I sit down next to her and I’m waiting to hear the engine of a car. Monty's car. But somehow we start talking again and I completely forget about Monty. I almost jump when I hear the front door open and shut. 

“Finally!” Estela sighs and while she runs out of the room, I stay where I am. How weird would it be for me to run down the stairs and greet Monty? Very weird. 

I listen to Estela’s voice and then I listen out for his voice. I can’t really make it out because he speaks quietly and then Estela’s footsteps up the stairs completely drown everything out. 

She comes back with two cans of paint, pastel green and she sets it down on the newspaper protected floor. She’s got that face she makes when she’s got something planned out and she needs to concentrate. “Okay… So Monty said he’s going to wallpaper one of my walls…” She pauses and she looks around the room, studying each wall carefully and I slowly stand up. 

“That wall,” Estela finally decides and she points to the wall by her bed so we have to move the bed even further away from that wall and into the middle of the room which ruins our newspaper flooring. It’s more work than I thought.

“Bet you wish you hadn’t offered to help out,” Estela says once she comes back with the paint rollers and brushes and she pours the paint into the tray. She’s stronger than I thought she’d be, she’s got a lot of muscle compared to me.

“Nah, I’ve got nothing else to do,” I say and I can already hear the massive pile of homework sitting on my desk calling me a liar. I have a lot to do but Estela is my friend, and I actually enjoy helping her out.

My fingers itch to start painting some elaborate designs on the wall but I tell myself to just cover it in paint, this isn’t art class. “How many coats?” I ask her after only painting half of my wall. She’s painting the wall opposite mine and then we’ll paint the last one together because it’s the largest one. 

Estela has spots of green paint all over her face when she turns around to look at me. She shrugs. “Erm… Two? Three?” My arm is already starting to ache but I keep my mouth shut and just nod.

The second layer looks slightly better once we’re done and we both agree that two coats is enough and my arm is very happy to hear that. 

I hate the edges the most, making sure that I don't get green paint on the floor or the ceiling and it's difficult to do. Estela is little and she makes me stand on a chair and paint the edges around the ceiling. We really should have used masking tape. 

"You've got a steady hand," Estela compliments me and I beam. Years and years of painting have finally paid off. I don't get paint on the white ceiling at all and once we've finished painting all three walls, we're both covered in paint but it kind of looks good with my black clothes. 

"So is Monty gonna… do the wallpaper now?" I ask Estela once she comes back from washing her hands. I'm really really hoping he'll be here to help us but Estela shakes her head. 

"Not today. He's sleeping downstairs and I can't remember the last time he slept," Estela tells me and I feel bad that he has to do all the exhausting work and he has no free time. 

"The air-con in his room doesn't work and you could basically fry in there so he has to sleep downstairs for now," Estela continues and she puts the lid back onto the can of paint that we didn’t use up fully. Poor Monty, maybe I should tell him that the air-con in my house works perfectly and he can stay over any time he wants…

“Is there anything else you want me to do?” I ask and I look around her room. I really want to stay and help out even if my arms are aching and all I wanna do is go to bed. 

Estela shrugs. “Erm… no?” she says and she laughs lightly. “I just need to put everything back in its place and then that’s my room pretty much done. After the wallpaper of course.” So obviously I stay to help her move everything back into place even though she’s got more upper body strength than me.

I stink of paint and I’m pretty sure I have green streaks in my hair so I’ll have to shower as soon as I get home. Estela asks me if I want to stay for dinner and as tempting as it sounds, I say no because I’m exhausted.

“Oh. Erm.” I stop just before I walk out of Estela’s room. She looks up at me from her box of stuff and smiles. “Do you wanna like... hang out tomorrow too?” I have no idea if Estela has any friends beside me but she’s only been at Liberty for a week so I want to make her feel as welcome as I can. 

She grins at me and pushes some hair over her shoulder. “Yeah, I’d love that!” she says and I can walk downstairs knowing that I’m going to see her again tomorrow. She’s really nice to hang out with.

Their mother is still scrubbing the dining room when I walk down the stairs and she gives me a small smile which I return. She seems sweet, their mother. But I’m still wondering where their father is. My father is well. Six feet underground, so maybe we have something in common. Something to bond over.

I hear a faint sound coming from the living room and when I walk through the doorway, the Shrek 2 movie is playing. At least I see that Monty has some taste. I dare to walk closer which is when I notice that he’s asleep on the couch, cuddling the white dog that Estela calls ‘Lou’. 

I didn’t know the definition of cute until now. Sure, he’s hot and all but the way that he’s cuddling this dog… I’ve never wanted to be a dog until now.

And then I walk into the side table and the lamp standing on it shakes and almost falls. I manage to catch it before it lands on Monty’s head but it doesn’t matter, the noise still wakes him up.

“What…?” He’s frowning as he slowly opens his eyes and I quickly put the lamp back on the table and step back before he can beat me up thinking I’m an intruder or some shit.

“Fuck. Shit. Sorry, I mean,” I say quickly, embarrassing myself and I take another step back and quickly shove my hands in my pockets.

He looks me up and down, hopefully registering the paint spots and putting two and two together. Or not. He slowly sits up and the dog stirs and then jumps off the couch and scurries past me.

“Were you trying to hit me with the lamp?” he asks and he’s grimacing and my heart is pounding because I look like an idiot in front of him. I rehearsed our first meeting in my head about a million times and none of them included him accusing me of trying to knock him out with a lamp. 

“No!” I say and I run my fingers through my hair and try to come up with what to say to recover from this. “I-The lamp was falling. I was making sure it didn’t hit you. I… I’m Winston.” Because the best way to get out of this is to quickly change the subject and hope he plays along.

The mention of my name seems to completely make him forget about the lamp and a small smile tugs at his lips. My heart drops when I remember that he basically hates my name. I knew I should have used a fake one but I suddenly go into defensive mode to show him that I’m not just some stupid kid.

“Yeah, I know you hate it,” I say with a serious expression on my face and he slightly raises one eyebrow. “As if ‘ _ Montgomery _ ’ is any better.” Actually, I don’t really mind his name, at least it’s not Chad or Brad or whatever. It’s unique but so is my name. 

He stops smiling then and he looks up and his brow furrows. “Okay, Win-Win, you don’t get to talk with a name like that,” he scoffs and he looks away. I want to grin at how he’s already giving me a nickname and how offended he got at the mention of his name. His voice sounds so… my name sounds great coming from his lips. 

He still looks dazed, having woken up to the image of some guy standing over him with a lamp in his hands, and he looks around the couch before picking up the remote and turning the TV off so the only light in the room is the one coming from the window.

I should leave now before I embarrass myself even further. So I turn around and I start walking away. Then Monty groans quietly as he leans back on the couch. “Did anyone ever tell you that you look like that kid?”

I stop walking and turn around to look at him again. He's making conversation with me, I’m pretty sure he is. “What kid?” I ask him as I step closer and this time I can’t stop the smile from appearing on my face.

Monty rubs at his temples and he won’t look at me but maybe that’s better. I mean I’ve watched him for so long, studied every single thing that I noticed about him and this is really overwhelming, him actually talking to me. If he looks at me then I might just pass out.

“The kid from that movie,” he says and it’s really not helping but it’s giving me more time to stay and talk to him so it’s not like I mind. I raise one eyebrow at him and his grins and blushes as if realising that he’s not really being very descriptive. He pushes his hair back but it doesn’t really move. “Timothee something.”

“ Timothée Chalamet?” I ask and my heart skips a beat. Did he really just compare me to  _ him? _ Am I looking too into it or is he kind of flirting with me? Monty nods shyly and he still won’t look my way. Okay, so he’s not as confident as I thought he would be. Or maybe it’s just the fact that he’s comparing me to a really really hot guy and neither of us knows what to do.

“The hot guy, right?” I make sure and I swear I’m giggling inside. I’m pushing it but I don’t care, I’m gonna force Monty to talk to me whatever it takes.

He then looks at me, looks me up and down and raises one eyebrow. Okay, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. “Are you calling yourself hot?” he asks me and I feel the blood rushing to my cheeks. 

“No,” I say defensively and I frantically look around the room as I think of what to say. “ _ You _ did actually.” He did, he said I looked like him which technically means that he called me hot. I’m not letting him brush this off that easily. 

Monty just rolls his eyes and he slowly lays back down on the couch not even acknowledging my presence. He closes his eyes and I’m guessing that this is my cue to leave.

I walk back towards the door and I pick my shoes up and take one last glance at Mony. “See you,” I whisper but of course he can’t hear. It could have gone worse, much much worse but I think it went fine. It’ll go better next time.

***

I shower again on Saturday morning and I take extra time to style my hair. I want to look and smell good when I see him again and hopefully, he’ll be more awake this time and he’ll notice.

Estela said to be there at nine or ten but it’s half eight and I’m already getting bored. I can’t be bored because getting bored means getting horny and getting horny mean-No. Stay  _ focused.  _

I make myself breakfast making sure to avoid the peanut butter even though it’s tempting. Nut allergies are a bitch and my mother still buys peanut butter because she’s not allergic, it’s like she’s trying to rub it in my face. There’s Nutella too and fuck, one day I’m just going to stop caring and try it. 

I chew slowly, watch the news and flick through my homework just to pass the time. Would it be weird if I showed up just before nine? Probably. I do it anyway.

When Estela and I texted late last night, she said that all they needed to do was Monty’s bedroom (but that’s after the air-con gets fixed) and then organise the kitchen because the cutlery is still in boxes. I wouldn’t mind helping out in Monty’s room but I think I’ll just be helping out in the kitchen. 

I knock on the door and I really hope that it’s not Monty opening the door or I’ll have to explain what I’m doing here. I stand on the doorstep and I wait and look at the watch around my wrist. 

8:49 am

So so early. Too early. He’ll tell me to go back home. But then he opens the door and he doesn’t need to say anything, he just looks me up and down and holds the door open for me.

He waits as I take my shoes off in the hallway and then he walks me to the living room. “Er… Estela said I could-”

“I know,” he says and then he passes me and he walks towards the stairs leaving me awkwardly standing in the living room. God, why is he so awkward to talk to? Or am I the one being awkward? I probably weirded him out after our conversation yesterday.

“You coming?” he then calls out and I beam at the fact that he actually wants me to follow him. I want to ask where his mother and sister are but I don’t hate the idea of us being the only ones in this house.

He walks into Estela’s room and I follow him. The wallpaper is almost finished, the design of a simple brick white wall covering three-quarters of the large wall. Monty looks focused on what he’s doing, he’s got a table by his left with all the tools and he picks up the knife looking thing and he smooths down the wallpaper to make sure there are no air bubbles.

“Looks good,” I say and he mumbles a thanks. But dude, can’t you see that I’m so desperate to talk to you that I’m complimenting your wallpapering skills? I should just bombard him with questions and hope for the best. Yep, let’s overwhelm him.

“So where’s Estela?” I ask and I sit down on her bed. Then I get a proper look at the table of tools. What I thought was one of the tools, actually turns out to be whipped cream and just as I’m staring at the can, Monty picks it up and squirts some of it directly into his mouth. Did I mention how hot he is yet?

“When food shopping with mom,” he tells me and he wipes his mouth with his flannel sleeve before putting the can back down. It’s a green flannel. I wonder if he has a full collection of those flannels. Does he wear anything else besides flannels?

“Hmm,” I say and I start chewing on my bottom lip. Is he ever gonna start a proper conversation with me? Literally about anything, I don’t care. Monty sighs then and he holds the piece of wallpaper to the wall as if trying to work out where to put it.

“Come ‘ere,” he says distractedly and I walk over him straight away. I don’t need to be told twice. He holds the knife looking thing towards me and tells me to hold it. “Careful with it, don’t cut yourself.” I tell my brain to calm down, he just doesn’t want me getting hurt but my brain is all like ‘look how cute he is’. And yes, that he is.

My watch kind of gets in the way and I’m scared that I’m going to damage it with the knife spatula so I take it off and throw it onto Estela’s bed. Hopefully, I remember to pick it up later.

Before Monty gets started on putting the wallpaper on the wall, he reaches for the whipped cream again and when he squirts it, it messily covers his lips and the corner of his mouth. He doesn’t seem to realise. 

“Wait, you’ve…” I say and I point to his lips. I almost scratch at his face with the knife thing when I do that but luckily he doesn’t notice. Of course, Monty has to ruin it and wipe his mouth with his sleeve again before I get the chance to wipe the cream off his lips with my thumb. It’s like he’s deliberately trying to ruin my chance to flirt with him. 

He doesn’t mention it once he starts to apply the wallpaper to the wall and I don’t either. Once I pass the knife spatula to him, he makes sure that there’s no air bubbles and he looks so focused on his task that I think that’s my chance.

“Are you like homeschooled?” I ask him and he laughs at me when he realises what I asked him. I’m just gonna keep my mouth shut next time.

“Homeschooled?” he repeats and he raises an amused eyebrow at me. I’d be mad if he didn’t look so good while doing it. 

I realise that he’s waiting for me to explain myself. Next time I’ll just slap myself before speaking to him. “Yeah, like… You don’t go to school…” I say and Monty turns back to the wall to add the final strip of wallpaper to the wall. Maybe I should compliment his wallpapering skills again, it would definitely make this whole thing less awkward.

Monty shrugs and he tries to match the design up on the wall so it doesn’t look weird. “Can’t be bothered,” he says casually. And his mother is okay with that? Mine would kill me. “And I have to finish this… house first. So stop talking and get a move on.”

Was he telling me off? I blush but I keep my mouth sealed until Estela and her mother come back. They call Monty downstairs almost immediately and he tells me to go with him. It’s weird, like I’m already part of their family or something. I don’t mind.

“Oh. Hi Winston,” Estela says as she puts the milk away in the fridge. She doesn’t seem to be surprised to see me here and when I look at the clock on the wall I see that it’s almost ten. Estela and her mom continue unloading the shopping and Monty and I stand in the doorway.

“Hey,” I say and Monty leaves me behind to get an apple from the fruit bowl. I don’t know where I fit into this picture, should I just stand there and try to look useful?

“You’re having breakfast with us, right?” Estela asks and I can’t say no to her. She has this kind of aura that just makes you want to nod along and agree with everything she’s saying. 

I nod and then their mother smiles at me. “Anything you’re allergic to?”

“Erm… nuts,” I say and Monty snickers to himself. I don’t understand what’s funny and he quickly bites into his apple to hide the fact that he laughed. Okay, I’m just being paranoid at this point. Relax and stop being weird.

So their mom tells us that breakfast will be ready in half an hour and we might wanna do something productive while we wait.

“Have you finished the wallpaper yet?” Estela asks Monty eagerly and Monty throws the apple core in the trash can and stands up. I guess my alone time with Monty is up before it even started.

“Yeah, wanna see?” he asks and because they go upstairs, Estela drags me along too. At least I have an excuse to stick around and I don’t look creepy in front of Monty. 

While Estela admires her new room, I dare to steal a glance at Monty. He’s leaning against the door frame with the whipped cream can in one hand. I know nothing about him. Basically nothing. All I know is that he’s hot and he doesn’t go to school because he can’t be bothered. Oh and he speaks Spanish. Don’t ask me to write his biography.

It’s difficult to find things out about him because asking him is out of the question and asking Estela is awkward. I guess I’m just gonna have to wait for him to tell me something about himself. As if that’s ever gonna happen.

“You better like it, it took me ages to finish it,” Monty says and I love how he’s saying that but he’s smiling at his sister. He’s not bad. 

“Don’t act like Winston didn’t help you,” Estela says and I immediately realise that I’m smiling at Monty like an idiot. I look down at the floor quickly and I pray to the heavens above that he didn’t catch that. I don’t want to seem eager, like I’m in love with him or something or he won’t even be interested.

“He did a bit,” Monty says casually and my heart still starts thudding in my chest. I wish I could carry on this conversation, see where it goes because I really like talking to both of them and Monty seems to be more comfortable talking with Estela in the room. But my phone vibrates in my pocket and I immediately check it thinking that it’s my mother. It’s not. 

**_Austin:_ ** _ Can I come over? _

My heart skips a beat as I read the message and then I read it again. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s something really attractive about sneaking around with someone. Austin hasn’t really texted me recently, he said he’d be out of town for a while but looks like he’s back now. And he wants to see me.

“I have to go,” I say quickly and I put my phone back into my pocket after replying ‘yes’. I hate to leave so early but if Austin needs me then he needs me. I’m not just talking about him being horny, that’s just part of it. But Austin only comes over when he needs to talk. I go to his house when he’s just horny. It’s a system we’ve developed over the past two months or so.

Both Estela and Monty are staring at me. Monty crosses his arms over his chest and he cocks his head to the side. “Thought you were gonna stay for breakfast?” Is he  _ asking _ me to stay? I want to, I really do. But Austin really needs me to be there for him.

“I… I can’t,” I say and I lick my lips nervously. Of course, something has to get in the way just as things are getting good. Monty shrugs like he couldn’t care less but Estela tells me that we can reschedule for another time.

“Yeah, erm. My mom just needs me to do something. You know?” My mom wasn’t even home and you’d know that if you just took one glance at the driveway. I was always using the poor woman as an excuse. So much so that Charlie actually thought my mother was strict. She’s anything but.

After leaving the house and reassuring Estela many times that we’d still hang out later, I finally got home. Fuck, it’s a mess in here.

The kitchen is a mess but I doubt we’ll be going there so I just shut the door and then it comes to the living room. I put away the cups and plates and then I hover hoping that it looks moderately clean. I doubt Austin will care though.

It’s my bedroom that I should be worried about. After stuffing almost everything into my closet, the bed is clean and the floor is free of dirty clothes. Then I sit and wait for the knock on the door and I realise that Monty didn’t even tell me that I smell good. Wasted effort.

***

It’s not the sex that’s exhausting, it’s the fact that Austin won’t stop talking after and I have to pretend that I know what to say. I’m not a therapist, I didn’t sign up for this. I just wanted some dick and yet here I am, two months in, helping this boy get over his parents’ divorce. I have no idea what I’m doing.

I fell asleep at some point and Austin let me, I thought he left because when I woke up the bed was empty. I stretch and look around my bedroom. It’s still day, but it’s not morning. My legs kind of feel sore and I don’t want to get out of bed. I stay where I am.

I lay there for about thirty seconds before my bedroom door opens. I almost shit myself thinking that my mother came back from work early. I’d die if she saw me laying here in the cum-stained sheets. Note to self: change and wash the sheets before she does.

It’s just Austin and he smiles at me shyly. “Hey,” he says and I lay back down. The bastard almost gave me a heart attack. I run my hands up and down my face as I wait for my heart rate to go back to normal.

“I thought you left,” I then say and I sit up again. I expected him to leave. Oh no, maybe I woke up just in time for part two of our therapy session. I’m really not mentally prepared to listen to that all over again. This boy needs to talk to an actual therapist, I can’t do much.

Austin sits down on the edge of my bed and I notice that he’s holding something in his hands. “No, someone was knocking and I opened the door because I didn’t want to wake you up,” he says and then he leans forward and passes the watch that he’s holding to me. My watch. “Some guy dropped it off, said you left it at his house.” 

I don’t even know what to say as I hold the watch in my hand. Oh fuck. Monty. It must have been Monty who dropped it off. I told him that I was going back home to my mother and then some half-naked guy opened the door for him. Looks really great for me. 

I don’t want him thinking that I’m a slut or something like half the guys at Hillcrest do. Luckily I rarely put up with the Hillcrest guys unless it’s at parties. 

No, Monty won’t care. Why would he? He just came by to drop off my watch. He won’t care. He’s straight, I saw it for myself. He didn’t even show the slightest bit of interest in me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, hope you liked this :)


	3. Slaughtered While Sleeping

**Chapter Three**

“So that’s him,” Jess says and she doesn’t necessarily look impressed. “He looked hotter in the picture.” As if, the picture didn’t do him justice. I scoff and turn away from her because obviously, Jess must be looking at the wrong guy.

I was surprised when Estela texted me to say that Monty would be driving her to school so I didn’t need to wait and walk with her. I didn’t realise she meant that Monty would be coming to school too.

It’s only his first day and he’s already like the most popular guy here. He’s a senior, a football player (according to Estela) and he’s hot so, obviously, he sits with the jocks and he immediately becomes popular. 

I want to glare at everyone who I hear mention his name. I saw him first, I did and now they’re all acting as if he belongs to them or something. I don’t want to share him. Why can’t he be unpopular?

Justin is sitting on that table too so it’s just me and Jess and she doesn’t seem to be in the mood to talk about Monty. I think she and Justin broke up. Again. I’m not even going to ask.

Estela isn’t around because she stayed behind in maths class and Charlie is just in the line getting his food. He should be walking over here soon and then- What is he doing? I stare at him as I watch him walk over to the table of jocks. Traitor. I told him that Monty is mine so I don’t understand what he’s doing introducing himself.

Then the guys obviously make a fuss about him coming over because he’s the quarterback and he usually never sits with them so they give him all this attention and the whole time Monty just sits and listens. 

“What did I miss?” Estela asks and that’s my reminder to stop ogling her brother like a freak. She sits down opposite me and starts to take her lunch out of her bag.

Jess raises one eyebrow at me like she wants to say something about Monty so I have to interrupt her before she gets the chance. "Just Charlie leaving us for those guys," I say and I nod in the direction of their table. Monty doesn't look interested in any of them but they look interested in him. I don't know why I bother. 

"Oh, my brother's sat there," Estela says cluelessly and she tries to stab her straw into her drink but she can't so Jess does it for her. "Thanks."

Yep, Monty is sat over there and he rarely speaks but when he does, they all stare at him like he's some kind of God. I’m judging them but I’m doing the same. Only from a distance. And I saw him first.

I pull my phone out to text Charlie because he's laughing at something that Monty said, Jesus, can't be that funny. 

**_Winston:_ ** _Traitor._

 **_Winston:_ ** _Come over here right now._

I watch as he glances at his phone screen and then he completely ignores it and goes back to sucking up to Monty. So much for the 'I saw him first' rule. 

We have Spanish next, both Jess and Estela are in my class and we end up talking about homework. Homework. I pretend to be interested but only because there's nothing else for me to do. That's until someone walks up and sits beside me. And it's not Charlie. 

"I'm like staying back for football practice or whatever," Monty says his eyes focusing on Estela and as he adjusts himself on the seat, his knee brushes past my leg. Of course they already managed to recruit him for the football team, why am I not surprised? 

Jess studies him carefully like she’s trying to work out what to make of him and why everyone seems to be so intrigued by him.

I realise that it would mean that he'll be staying back after school with Charlie almost every day. They'll be in the changing room together, on the field together, on the bus, in the hotel… I'm starting to reconsider my friendship with Charlie. 

"You'll walk home by yourself?" Monty asks Estela and she rolls her eyes like she can't even believe that Monty is treating her like a child. 

"Yes, I'll be fine," she reassures him and then her eyes land on mine. "I'll be fine walking with Winston." Oh, good. I was starting to think that we wouldn't be walking home now that she had Monty to drive her to and from school. I like her and being friends with her has its benefits.

But then Monty is staring at me and he looks me up and down like he doesn't trust me or something. Oh, what now? Is this about me ‘attacking’ him with a lamp? He frowns and he looks back at Estela. 

She sighs and I don't even understand what's going on. "He's gay," Estela then says and my heart starts thudding in my chest. "He's not gonna do anything." Oh, so this is what this is about. As if I could even do anything to Estela, she could hurt me in fifty different ways without lifting a finger. That girl really scares me sometimes. 

Monty looks back at me and his expression has changed slightly. I don't know if I should be glad that he knows or not. I quickly look away and he doesn't comment on my sexuality or anything so I guess that's a good thing? 

"Okay," Monty finally says and he slowly stands up. The guys from the team are already calling him over, saying they need to show him something. He pats me on the shoulder before walking off and he's got a heavy hand. My heart is still beating hard when he leaves. 

He didn't mention the watch or anything else, he probably doesn't care. Why do I always get so worked up over nothing?

***

The only person I didn't expect to see today was Austin. I usually don't see him more than twice a week. And I never see him anywhere but at his house or mine. So what is he doing standing in the parking lot and looking around? Maybe he's not even looking for me. He’s got plenty of friends at Liberty. 

Estela asks me something about our English homework but I don't reply. Austin is still wearing his Hillcrest uniform and the minute he spots me, he gives me a little nod and then moves to the side like he doesn't want anyone to spot him there. What does he want now? 

"Wait here," I say to Estela and she looks at me weirdly but she lets me walk away and she waits by the bench. 

Austin is kind of hiding behind this car and it's not his car. His hair looks like a mess and his eyes are red like he's been crying all day. I already know what’s coming and it won’t be me.

"Hey," I say and he immediately looks around. It's like he thinks someone will spot us together and immediately think that we're dating or some shit. It's exhausting having to put up with this but it's not like I can exactly leave him right now. I feel responsible for him.

"What are you doing here?" I ask him getting straight to the point. I don't really have time for this and I certainly don't have time to be making sure that no one is looking at us. 

Austin scoffs at me and he looks away. 

"I just need someone to talk to man," he says. Yeah, okay. 'talk'. 

"Can't you talk to one of your _other_ friends?" I ask him and he blushes. I knew that he didn't just come here to talk. I glance back at Estela, she’s staring at me and she raises one perfect eyebrow. I wonder if she does Monty’s eyebrows for him, they look really good up close.

"You know what I mean," he mumbles and he looks down at his feet. I turn back to him remembering that I’m kind of in the middle of a conversation and I can go back to imaging scenarios with Monty in my head some other time. 

I don't mind Austin asking for sex, it's just the fact that he only comes to me when he needs something. If _I_ ask then he says that he's busy and acts like its weird for me to ask. He's not the only one that gets horny.

"Kinda busy right now," I say and I bite my lip. Someone walks by and Austin moves away from me. Great. 

Once they're gone, Austin looks at me and his lip quivers. "I really need you man," he says and I realise that maybe this isn't just about the sex. My first instinct is to comfort him. However, as soon as I step forward to put an arm around him, he glares at me and pushes me back. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he snaps at me and looks around. "There are people here." I really don't understand him sometimes, he's so fucking confusing. Why are there no hot _gay_ guys around? Why are they all closeted? And it's not like I'm desperate enough to get it on with Charlie even though we've both thought about it.

"You know, I'm actually _really_ busy right now," I say again and now Austin looks like he regrets pushing me away. Whatever. 

He pushes some hair away from his face but I just turn around and start walking back to Estela. She smiles at me when she sees me. 

"Everything okay?" she asks and I nod. No doubt Austin will be showing up at my house later today but I can't deal with him right now. He needs to sort his own shit out before he talks to me. 

On the way home, Estela tells me that Monty's finally moved into his own room last night and I nod along but I can't concentrate again. 

"Okay, what's up with you?" she finally asks and she nudges my side. I'm not even surprised that Estela noticed, sometimes she's able to notice stuff that I wouldn't even think twice about. 

"Nothing," I say but Estela raises one eyebrow and I immediately feel like telling her everything. "It's just some guy stuff."

"Relationship problems?" Estela asks me because 'guy stuff' doesn't seem to be good enough for her. 

"We're not together," I say and then I shrug. I’m not sure how to describe this thing or agreement that I have with Austin. I briefly explain what's going on and we both go quiet by the time I finish. 

Estela understands, I can see that she's been through something similar by the expression on her face and I'm not sure if I should say something or wait for her to speak. 

"Does he make you happy?" Estela asks and I shrug. He makes me come and sometimes he makes me laugh. But most of all, he frustrates me. Estela sighs deeply and I'm already regretting telling her. Shouldn’t have said a word.

"Winston, I'm gonna say this in the nicest way possible," she says slowly. "You can't fix people, okay? I know you probably think you're doing the right thing, but you gotta start thinking about yourself." She means well and she most likely means what she's saying. I'm just going to trust that this advice comes from experience.

“Okay,” I say but that it’s good enough for her, nothing ever is. 

She stops and puts her hands on my shoulders. It’s funny how she has to stand on her tiptoes to reach. “Let me say this in simple terms so you understand,” he says with a sweet smile that disappears just as quickly as it appears. “Closed boys are not good for you!”

She repeats it a few times until we’re both laughing and I promise that I’ll leave the closeted guys alone.

"So… Know any guys that aren’t closeted?” I ask her and I’m pleasantly surprised by her answer.

“I might,” she says with a sly smile and she better be talking about Monty.

***

My worst quality is falling asleep at the worst times. My backpack was full of homework and all I did was throw it onto my bed and then I fell asleep beside it. Maybe I was hoping that I would do the homework in my sleep but unfortunately, that didn't happen.

I only woke up because of that annoying ringing noise coming from my phone. I didn't even know that I set an alarm.

But then I look over at my phone and it's just Charlie calling. What? Is he going to tell me what an amazing time he had eye fucking Monty in the locker room? No thank you, I don't want to know. I kind of do though.

I decline the call and a few seconds later Charlie calls again. "What?" I groan into the phone and I shove my face back into the pillow. 

"I've been trying to call you for like the past ten minutes," he tells me and I roll my eyes. I bet he’s lying, he just wants to be dramatic as always.

"I was sleeping," I explain. I hear male voices and laughter in the background so I'm guessing he's just in the locker room getting changed back into his clothes. "What do you want?"

Charlie pauses and I can only hear him breathing and I don't understand what he's being so dramatic for. "Austin leaked your nudes," he then says in a hushed voice and my eyes snap wide open. 

"What?" I'm wide awake now as I jump out of my bed. Not my fucking nudes, please Charlie's got to be joking. I don't want my pictures getting shared all around school. And fuck, what if I don't get accepted into college because of it? The last thing I need is to explain to my mother that my nudes got leaked and I won't be able to get into Princeton like my father wanted.

"Charlie!" I snap at him because he's not replying and the only thing I can hear is laughter and then my name. Fuck fuck fuck. They're talking about me. I hope to God that Monty isn't there, I'm fucking everything up. He wasn’t supposed to get to know me like this. I should just change my name and move to another country. Another planet actually. 

"Sorry," Charlie says and I sit back down on my bed because I'm getting light-headed. "Wait, I'll just go outside." So then I wait for Charlie to move his ass and get out of there so he can finally tell me what the hell is going on and I'm still hoping that it's just some kind of sick joke. 

"Basically, someone from Liberty said that he saw you and Austin _cuddling_ after school. Then some guys from Hillcrest called him a fag. And Austin said you were just like… hitting on him? He kinda spread your nudes around. As evidence," Charlie tells me and I don't know whether I should hang myself or murder Austin first and then hang myself. Why do I never understand that messing about with closeted boys only ends badly? 

"Your face is in them," Charlie adds and I scoff. 

"Yeah, no shit." I took them so I know what they look like. "Look, I'll… I have to talk to Austin," I say and Charlie says some bullshit about how he thinks it'll blow over soon and I shouldn't worry about it. Yeah, it's not his dick pics being spread around like wildfire. 

After hanging up, I try to text Austin. The bastard blocked me. I try his Instagram account, his Snapchat and even his Facebook but he blocked me on everything. My hands are shaking and I don't even realise it. I just want to lay down and cry. 

My mother comes home a few minutes later. She shouts something about how she brought me food. 

"Yeah, thanks," I shout back and I tell her that I'm going to shower so she doesn't come in here and notice that I'm seriously not okay. I really fucking trusted Austin. Really did and he does something like this.

I lay down on my bed and I text with Charlie. He asks if I want him to come over but I say that I want to be alone. Then Estela also texts me, she just found out from Jess and she wants to know if I'm okay. I'm not okay. I don't even know how many people saw those pictures. 

I say that I'm fine and that it's nothing, I'm not bothered. Maybe if I tell myself that enough times then I'll start to believe it. They’re just photos.

At least I have the privilege of being a guy, I remember what happened when Nina's nudes got leaked. I miss her but it was for the best, she had to switch schools because it was all too much for her. 

I text with Charlie for a little longer, telling him to just stop talking about it because I don't wanna think about it. What is he, obsessed with my cock or something? 

Fuck now I'm getting mad at Charlie when he's only trying to help me out. It's only Monday. Only fucking Monday. I'll probably have to endure a full week of talk about my nudes. So exciting. Maybe I'll at least get Monty's attention. Have to think about the positives. 

The only thing that helps me stop thinking about it is painting. No, the paints are too dirty and I don't feel like getting dirty. Sketching it is. 

I lay down on my bed and I start drawing the outline of a man. It's just supposed to be a guy but then suddenly he's wearing a flannel and he's got a giant grin on his face and I realise that I drew Monty. 

I just wanna know what he thinks of all of this, is he gonna tease me about it and make fun of me with the rest of the football team? I might as well be known as the gay guy who keeps hitting on straight guys now. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen.

"Winston! A friend is here to see you!" my mother screams and I sigh loudly. I bet it's Charlie, I told him I was fine. 

"Don't wanna see anyone!" I shout back and I hear the faint sound of talking. I try drawing myself next to Monty but it looks all wrong, I look like a stick figure and all the proportions are off.

"I let him inside! Come downstairs!" Of course, my mother always has to do her own thing. The woman never listens. Never. I should just stay upstairs and pretend I didn't hear but then she'll probably ground me and send me back to my auntie's for the weekend and I don't wanna deal with my bratty cousins again. 

I hide my notepad under my pillow and I go downstairs. I expect to see Charlie but it’s not Charlie. It’s the guy I just spent almost an hour sketching.

I look like absolute trash and Monty is standing at the bottom of the stairs. He's looking around awkwardly and I consider sprinting upstairs and sorting myself out but then he sees me and he offers me a smile. A pity smile. Isn't this just lovely? 

"Did Estela send you?" I ask him almost defensively. I can't think of any other reason why he'd be here. He shouldn't be here. I need a day or two just to get over this. 

He raises one eyebrow. "No, she didn't. Just watched to check up on you." Him checking up on me? I like the sound of that. Monty’s a nice distraction from everything. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him for a bit.

My mother's watching some sort of crime documentary in the living room. _'Six slaughtered in their sleep... "_

"Do you wanna talk outside?" he suggests and I prefer my idea of going up to my room. I nod and I quickly grab a jacket from the hook in the hallway. 

Monty's is fine in just his flannel and T-shirt. I wonder when it'll be appropriate for me to ask if he has any other clothes. Can't wait to give him fashion advice when we're dating. 

I thought we'd just sit outside in the garden but Monty walks straight past the gate and keeps walking. I follow after him. 

"Any idea where we're going?" I ask him and he shrugs. 

"Not really," he replies and then we walk left, opposite to the direction of the school. Then he glances at me and puts his hands in his pockets. "So how are you feeling?"

"About my nudes getting leaked? Great," I say and he looks amused. Yeah, it's always better to act like it doesn't bother you. Especially when it does. 

"Lighten up," he says and he nudges me with his elbow. So maybe I didn't manage to fully convince him. "Could have been worse."

"Yeah? How?" I can't imagine anything worse than this, humiliation in high school is the worst. And now Austin doesn't even give a shit. At least it somehow worked in my favour. 

Monty sighs and he's got a grin on his face now. "I don't know… you could have looked bad in them or something." Is he… flirting with me? If I didn't know better I'd say yes. 

"Wait," I say and I pause. I’m blushing so bad and I try to hide my face inside my jacket. "You saw them?" I ask and we stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Great, I made him uncomfortable. He scratches the back of his neck. 

"Yeah… they were just showing them all around the locker room so…" he says and he looks around awkwardly. I'm not sure why it's awkward for _him_ , could be a number of reasons. 

"Sounds very straight," I joke and I start walking again. It's gonna get really awkward really fast if he doesn't follow me. But he does. 

We pass the park and our conversation is pretty much over but we keep walking. Are we really gonna talk about my nudes the whole time? Not what I had in mind for our first proper conversation but it'll do. I can work with this. 

"So Montgomery," I say putting emphasis on his name. That seems to annoy him. Noted. 

"It's Monty," he says and then he rolls his eyes thinking that I can't see. "And we're not doing this name bullshit again, yours is much worse." I ignore the comment for now just because I have bigger things on my mind. For example, how do I make a move on him without embarrassing myself in case he rejects me?

I scoff and I nudge him with my hip. Okay, no reaction. Just a small laugh and a smug grin. He’s either really good at pretending or this doesn’t affect him because he’s straight. Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough. We walk a few more steps and I stay close to Monty.

"So what are you gonna do now?" he asks me then. Maybe we should be getting back home, it's Monty night and my mother will be wondering where I am soon. Instead, I choose to stay with him and follow him wherever he goes.

"Hmm?" What _am_ I gonna do now? Should I just make my move? No fuck, just got out of the bullshit with Austin. Am I wasting time? I don't want Charlie to get to him before I do.

"With that guy, what are you gonna do now?" he asks again and I'm either really fucking stupid or he's being too vague. I think he's talking about Austin. He leaked my nudes, what _can_ I do?

"We're not together if that's what you're asking. Can't break up with him," I say and nope, that's not what he was asking. Just made a fool of myself. Perfect. He sighs and shakes his head and I stop by the second park gate and sit on top of it. Monty stops and he stands in front of me. He's not as tall as I thought he was. 

"Okay mister, stop with the games. What are you asking?" I ask and he laughs. If he can't get to the point, then I will. He seems to like me being direct.

"I'm asking... " he says and my heart skips a beat when he moves in closer. I spread my legs slightly as I sit on the gate. He can come closer if he wants to. I want him to. "What are you gonna do? You're not just gonna let it go, are you?" he asks and he puts one hand on the gate next to where I'm sitting. Tease. 

"What are you saying?" I ask him and I shift closer to his hand. He immediately takes it away. 

His eyes search my face for a moment and he's got really pretty eyes. Really pretty overall. "How much does he love his car?" he asks and he grins at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, more wonty is coming up in the next chapter :)


	4. The First Bad Idea

**Chapter Four**

"This is a really bad idea," I say and Monty tells me to shut up. I really can't believe he put me up to this. I'd probably do anything he tells me to just for his approval. 

We walk around the giant underground parking lot looking for Austin’s car.. I know that Austin comes here almost every day (especially if he's had a rough day) because the gym he goes to is close by and he always parks his car here.

“So where is it?” Monty asks me as we turn the corner and there’s no sign of Austin’s car. Fuck, please don’t tell me I dragged Monty all the way over here for nothing. This is so  _ embarrassing.  _ Stay calm, you’ll find the car, I tell myself. 

We walk a little bit further, avoiding another camera so there’s no evidence that we were here (Monty is terrifyingly good at spotting dodging the cameras) and Austin’s car is in the parking lot proving that I was right after all. "That's his car," I say. It's parked in a corner right under the-

"Right under the camera," Monty says and he frowns. We can stand here and look at the car without getting spotted but as soon as we come anywhere near it, the cameras are gonna catch us. 

"What's the plan exactly?" I ask him. He hasn’t said much, all he did was ask me to bring him to Austin’s car. Austin's very expensive car that's his pride and joy. Monty knows what he's doing, he's staring at the car like it might actually physically hurt him to damage it. Guys and their cars. I hope I'm not like that when I finally get my car. 

"Shit," Monty mutters under his breath and then he glances at the cameras again. Neither of us wants to get caught for something this stupid but it would be embarrassing to stop now after we've come all this way. 

"What do we do?" I ask in a hushed tone just in case someone is close by or the cameras are recording audio too. You never know. Monty walks a few steps away from me and then stops. He kicks a stone and shrugs. Oh no, this is gonna be really bad. He picks up the stone, throws it up in the air and then he catches it. 

"Wait," I say and Monty stops just as he's about to throw the stone at the car. I’m breaking ut in sweat, I’ve never gotten in trouble before, not unless you count all the times I got told off for not doing my homework. But this is a  _ crime _ . I mean, what are we even doing here? Monty's brow furrows and I just sigh. “Forget it,” I say because I know he’s gonna do it whether or not I tell him not to.

But instead of throwing it at the car like I thought he would, he throws the stone straight at the camera and I hear the glass breaking and see how it glitters when it lands on the ground. I wince and back away.

“There, all done,” Monty says proudly and he rubs his hands together. I don’t know about you but to me it seems like he’s doing this more for himself than for me. He doesn’t stop grinning as he picks up a larger stone (or maybe it’s a piece of broken concrete) and shamelessly walks towards the car.

Even though there’s nothing around us, no buildings, just a giant ass parking lot, I still worry that someone will catch us. I don’t wanna get arrested, I’m way too young to go to prison with all those filthy men.

He stops by the car, turns around and waits for me. I mean, fuck it. We might share a cell together and then maybe I’ll get closer to him. So I pick up a stone too, smaller than the one Monty has in his hand and I join him. He’s looking at the car from all angles. Not him getting sentimental over a car. Do I need to remind him what Austin did?

“Shame,” he says when he notices me roll my eyes and then he throws the stone in the air, catches it and starts scratching the window with it. It makes an awful noise that makes me cringe but he’s not phased, he scratches a giant X into the window and then he looks at me.

“Should have brought a bat or something,” he mutters and he keeps his other hand behind his back making sure not to touch the car. I’m starting to think he’s done this before. 

I don’t feel like scratching at the car with a rock so I drop my stone and I look around the parking lot until I find an old rusty metal rod somewhere in the corner.

“Hey, what about this?” I say and he turns to look at me. He’s almost done with the windows and he even scratched a little message into the paintwork. ‘WHORE’ it says and it really shouldn’t be this funny but it is. I think I’m already in love with Monty.

“Should work,” Monty says with a grin like he’s proud of me and then he steps to the side. “Wanna do the honours?” I would, except I’d probably hit him in the face when I swing or I wouldn’t swing hard enough and the rod would bounce back and hit  _ me _ in the face.

“You’re stronger,” I said simply and it’s not my fault that my eyes wandered to his muscles. He  _ is _ stronger and the fact that he looks hot while swinging the rod is just a bonus. With the first swing, he only makes a dent in the car and then the alarm finally goes off. 

“Fuck, should we-” And then Monty swings again and shatters the window completely. Small pieces of the glass land inside the car and around it too and Monty steps back.

“Now would be a good time to run,” he says and he drops the rod and starts running towards the exit. We’re halfway to the exit when I pause and run back to get the rod. Surprisingly Monty stops and waits for me but he’s frowning.

“What the hell are you doing?” he hisses and grabs my shoulder and drags me along with him.

“Fingerprints,” I say and even though he rolls his eyes, he’s smiling. We get out of that parking lot, cross the street, speedwalk a few blocks down and then we take the walk through the park because there’s plenty of space to hide in a park if someone finds us.

Monty throws the rod into some bushes after pulling it out of my hand and then he runs his hand through his hair. “Let’s pray no cameras caught us,” he says and I decide to make the lamest joke ever.

“Are you religious?” I ask and he scoffs and gives me a small push with his shoulder. I’ll take that as a no and I’ll shut my mouth to stop embarrassing myself now.

Summertime is weird, it's almost nine and it's only just starting to get dark. My mom might worry about me and wonder why I'm out for so long so I send her a quick text briefly explaining without saying too much. And definitely not mentioning Austin or his car. 

"Do you feel any better?" Monty asks me when I put my phone away. He continues looking forward, letting me admire his side profile.

Do I feel any better? Demolishing Austin’s car helped as long as we don’t get caught but the thing that is really making me feel better is the fact that I’m here with Monty. 

“Yeah… Thank you for this,” I say and I pause wondering if I should say something else or leave it to awkward silence to take over again. “And for checking up on me too," I say hoping that he might say something but he ruins it. 

"Actually I lied," he says and he clears his throat. At first, I think he's joking and I just look at him with one eyebrow raised. He's biting at his lip anxiously and I get this weird feeling in my stomach. 

"What do you mean?" Lied about what? I don't understand what he's trying to say and it's not because I'm slow. 

"Estela forced me to check up on you," he says with a small shrug of his shoulders like its nothing. I see, he's trying to play it off like he doesn't really care about me but I think he does or otherwise we wouldn't be here. 

“Okay,” I say simply. It doesn’t really bother me why he’s here because he  _ is _ here. I have him all to myself, now is the time to ask questions and get to know him. Except my head is empty and I can’t come up with a single question.

I know I’ve lost my chance when he takes his earphones out and puts them in his ears. He might have as well told me that he doesn’t wanna talk to me. I wish he’d at least try to make conversation with me or be friendly but he’s being Mr Straight again and I’m starting to think that maybe he  _ is _ straight and I just got too carried away. That happens.

***

Faking being ill is my speciality. I'm not going to school this week. Or at least that's the plan. 

Monty walked me home last night, asked me if I was okay and then left me at the doorstep. I wish he stayed for a bit, we could have talked but he didn't say a word to me since he put his earphones in. 

"Mom, I told you. I'll be fine staying home by myself," I groan. She sets a cup of tea down on my nightstand and feels my forehead with her hand. She never takes days off work and now I feel guilty for lying about being ill. But this is better than going to school and getting stared at for the entire day. 

"I don't wanna risk anything," she says and she ruffles my hair like I'm five. She's always busy, I can't remember the last time I had a proper conversation with her. She tucks me into bed, checks my temperature again and then sits on the edge of my bed. "You don't get sick easily, I just wanna make sure it's nothing serious."

And I never take sick days off school either. I do sometimes but only if I really need them. I really need it today. "I'm sure I'll be fine mom, maybe I just need to take a nap," I tell her. Anything to get her out of the room so I can text Charlie and ask him what's going on at school. 

"If you're sure... " she said and then she smooths over the duvet with her hand. "Shout if you need anything." I do anyway. 

She eventually leaves the room and her footsteps go down the stairs. I count to ten and then I take my phone from the nightstand. I've already got messages from Charlie getting mad at me for leaving him. Now he knows how I felt when he sat with Monty at lunch. No he doesn't, what he did was much worse. 

**_Winston:_ ** _ Is anyone talking about me?  _

Charlie should be in his first lesson now but he better text me back. I have to wait two whole minutes for a response.

**_Charlie:_ ** _ Just a little.  _

Charlie is a terrible liar even through text. He's trying to sugarcoat which means that it's bad. Maybe I should just change schools altogether.

I focus on drawing for some time to take my mind off everything else like the fact that the whole school knows what I look like naked or that those pictures are probably saved on someone’s phone. And I bet someone’s talking about it right now.

I throw the drawing pad onto the floor in frustration. It lands underneath my window but I can still see that drawing on the page. Monty was the only thing I could think about drawing, he’s really nice to look at. 

I drew him holding a metal rod, resting it on his shoulder and smiling at something on his right, like someone’s standing next to him but they’re out of the frame. I’m annoyed with Monty too. First he came to my house and I got my hopes up only for him to crush them. Boys are so confusing.

I hear my mom’s footsteps coming up the stairs and it’s too late to hide the notebook so I throw the blanket on the floor too to cover the drawing. Then I turn away from the door, I close my eyes and I pretend to be sleeping.

She opens the door and stands in the doorway for a few seconds. “Winston? Are you awake?” She waits for an answer and I feel terrible _ again _ for pretending to be sleeping but I don’t want her to talk to me or I’ll burst and tell her everything. 

My mom sighs and then the door shuts with a soft click. I don’t move a muscle for another minute just to make sure she doesn’t burst in here and sees that I was only pretending. I wish I could tell her and then I’d feel a little better but how do I even explain it to her? She’ll never look at me the same way again. 

My phone vibrates on my nightstand and I check it just in case it’s Charlie or Estela with something to tell me. It’s a text from an unknown number.

**_Unknown:_ ** _ When are you starting an OnlyFans? _

And then below the text are my nudes. I cringe and I quickly turn my phone off. Just when I was starting to forget about it, this one person had to remind me why I should move to a different country. Preferably one with no cell phones so shit like this never happens again. One thing that pisses me off is how they act like they’ve never sent nudes because everyone’s got to have done it at least once. It’s normal.

I don’t wanna think about my phone or school so I go under the covers and I stay there for a few minutes. When my dad died, this used to be the only thing that calmed me down. I liked the idea of hiding from the outside world and just staying in the dark until I felt okay again. 

I don’t get out from under the covers though, I stay there and I tell myself that I can forget about whatever happens here the second I pull the sheets back. Before I get the chance to do that, I fall asleep while crying into my pillow. 

One knock, soft and quiet. I stir slightly and I forget that I pulled the duvet over my head so I panic when I only see black and I feel like I'm trapped. Then another knock, much louder. 

I groan. "I'm fine mom, I don't need anything." As much as I love her for checking up on me, I'd rather be left alone for now. 

"Okay son, I guess I'll just leave this here," a voice that doesn't belong to my mother says. Monty's voice. My cheeks feel like they're on fire and I debate on whether or not I should come out from under the covers. I’m gonna embarrass myself either way so I decide that I should. 

He's smiling at me and then he holds up a plastic container with something that looks like vomit inside. "Hey, don't make a face," Monty pretends to tell me off and then he puts the container on my nightstand next to my phone and the cold tea that hasn’t been touched.

"What is it?" I ask unsurely and I watch as some remains float inside the liquid. I wasn't ill before but I certainly feel sick now. 

"Estela said you were sick so… I made you some soup," he says shyly and he shifts from foot to foot. The 'soup' may look like puke in some a but I guess it's the thought that counts? It's still sweet that he made it for me, does that mean he was worried?

"Thank you," I say surprising even myself at how genuine I manage to sound. At least he tried his best. 

I smile and then suddenly his whole expression changes, he drops his gaze to the ground and his lips set in a thin line. "Actually, Estela made it. I just brought it over. See ya," he says and he makes his way towards the door. I'm not letting him go this easily, he says one thing then changes his mind and says something completely different.

"Um. How was school?" I call after him because I'm not dumb enough to ask him to stay. Monty isn't the type of guy who'll be won over by desperation. I can tell he prefers a challenge. And a challenge I am not, he could ask me if I wanted to fuck right now and I wouldn't think once before saying yes. 

"Fine?" he says unsurely and then he puts his hand on the door frame and sighs. "It wasn't that bad. I'm sure they'll be over it by tomorrow." So he knows I'm not ill, I'm only trying to avoid having to go back to school. 

"Let's hope so... " I say with a small chuckle. I wonder if my eyes are puffy from crying, they feel really heavy. Monty's gonna leave if I don't say anything soon. Maybe that's better, I should let him go and see that I'm  _ not _ clingy. 

"See you then," I add and Monty gives me a small nod before walking out of the room. I hear him talking to my mother downstairs and hopefully, she's not embarasing me like always. I only relax when I hear the front door shut and Monty leaves. 

I lay back down in my bed when my eye spots something on the floor. The notepad. The edge is sticking out from under the blanket but that's about it. That was close. If he saw, he'd already be filing for a restraining order. I need to relax a little and cool it down or I'll freak him out before I even get the chance to be his friend. I can do it. Sure, I can pretend to not be interested in Monty in any way. Easy. 

I stand up and shove the drawing pad deep into my closet to avoid anyone ever finding it. I could rip the drawings out but they're not bad, I don't wanna do that. Besides maybe one day I'll even show it to him. When we're friends. 

"What are you doing out of bed?" my mom bursts into the room like she's trying to bust me for something but the only thing I'm doing is trying to get back into bed. At least she didn't catch me stuffing my drawings into the closet or then she'd be concerned that I'm hiding something again. 

"I was just… picking the blanket up. It fell," I say and then I grab the corner of it and pull it back onto my bed. I try my best to act normal and not suspicious. But when I tuck myself into bed, my mom is still standing in the doorway and she has her arms crossed over her chest which is never a good sign. 

"Was your friend Monty here? I let him in, he seemed worried," she tells me as she slowly makes her way to my bed. Yes mom, distract me by getting me to think about a hot guy while you lead up to why you're actually here. 

But Monty seemed worried? Or maybe it's just my mother exaggerating like she always does. But what if Monty was actually concerned? Maybe he-

"Do you wanna tell me the truth about why you're staying off school?" my mother asks and it's like a slap. I've been lying to her, thinking she had no idea but she knew all along. And now she knows that something's up and as always, she wants to fix it. 

"I just wasn't feeling well," I say quietly keeping my eyes down so I don't have to look at her. It's not exactly a lie, thinking about going to school made me feel sick so… I have a right to stay at home. 

"Winston. You know you can tell me anything," she says softly and then her fingers start carding through my hair like they used to when I was little and I'd ask her about dad. She'd tell me about him while playing with my hair until I fell asleep. I'd wake up in my bed no matter where I fell asleep. 

I hate this. I hate that I always get so emotional over nothing. I haven't cried over my dad for years and now she's being caring and… I don't wanna lie to her when she's willing to listen. "There's…" I pause and I try to think it through again. Is this smart? It would have been smart not to send them in the first place. "Some…  _ pictures _ of me got sent around school," I whisper and my face turns scarlet. This isn't something you should be talking to your mother about. 

"I see," she says and she doesn't move away in disgust, she doesn't look at me differently and her tone doesn't change. What does change is my heart rate, I feel like my heart is gonna rip out of my chest any second now. 

I wanna say something like ask her if she's not disappointed but I know she is. I mean, wouldn't every mother be disappointed?  _ I'm _ disappointed. I never thought this would actually happen. And what about Princeton? They don’t want someone like me going there.

"I'll have a chat with the principal. If it gets serious, we’ll think about talking to my lawyer," she says simply and she hugs my shoulder to pull me closer into her chest. "And… you can have another day off if you need to. But don't let them get to you and keep you locked in this room. You did nothing wrong. " It's sweet that she's trying her best and for a second I actually believe that it'll all be forgotten about and I can go back to being invisible in school. 

But it's high school, it doesn't just go away like that. People will keep talking about it for as long as they want. But like my mom said, I can't let them get to me. 

I give her a small nod because my throat is too closed up for me to be able to speak. 

***

So I get up early for school the next day. My mom took another day off work just so she can stay and have breakfast with me before I go. 

She doesn't mention it, she just talks about the most random things as I eat my cornflakes. Neither of us cooks, we're useless at it and that reminds me- Monty's soup. I poured it down the toilet and I felt like a dick but I was never going to eat that. 

The container is in the dishwasher now, it'll be clean by the time I'm back and then I'll go over to Monty's house and I'll have an excuse to talk to him. Maybe he’ll stop acting like he couldn’t give a damn about me.

I text Estela to tell her that I’m coming to school, it’s just to see if she’s going with Monty or if she needs me to walk with her but she doesn’t reply.

So I walk with Charlie as usual. I could ask him about… yesterday but I choose not to. I told myself that it doesn't bother me what everyone thinks about it when it really fucking does. I do (or don't do) most things because of how I think others will react to it, of course what they think matters to me but I'm trying to pretend it doesn't. 

Instead, I stay busy by talking about Monty and trying to get Charlie's advice as well as tell him to back off not so subtly. "I mean, he's a great cook," I continue lying. My mother used to tell me that I shouldn't lie or my tongue will turn black, it should be the colour of charcoal right now. "And it's so sweet that he cared enough to make and bring me soup," I keep going and Charlie bows his head and tries to pretend that it doesn't bother him. I just want him to know that it looks like Monty is interested in only one of us. I'm a terrible person, I know. 

And Charlie is a great friend, I don't deserve him. When we get closer to the school and the benches outside where Misogyny Club ™ is hanging around, Charlie stays with me. I listen out for a shout, a comment or a laugh, any mention of my name at all but there's none. Did they forget about it already? 

No, they just found something new to talk about.  _ Someone  _ new. 

“What’s going on?” Charlie asks. He walks over but I stay back hoping that none of them will notice me. Justin does and he gives me a small smile - a pity smile - and then he turns back to Charlie. 

“Fuck knows man, apparently Monty got arrested,” Justin answers and that single comment makes them all start talking louder and faster like they’re trying to explain it all at once to Charlie.

It all sounds like noise to me. The ground beneath my feet starts spinning and I feel lightheaded. Is it my fault? It must be my fault. Monty got arrested because of me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to update but i hope you enjoyed this :)  
> also I do have a twitter @wontywilliams that im trying to be more active on currently so ill be posting updates on there too :)


	5. The Man Above

**Chapter Five**

Arrested. Monty in handcuffs. That's all I think about all day at school. I can't concentrate on anything else. It's my fault, isn't it? And usually, I’d probably be daydreaming about him but I can’t, the guilt is killing me.

What's worse is that Estela isn't answering any of her messages and the whole school has started spreading more and more information about it now. I can't tell what's true and what isn't. 

Jess and Charlie were the ones who got me through today. I kept bouncing my leg, nibbling at my lip and messing up my hair until they took my mind off it. I don't wanna get Monty in trouble. 

I already told my mom about the pictures, she'll understand _ this _ once I explain. She'll get Monty a good lawyer and then it'll be okay. He'll thank me and we'll be friends and then-

Fuck I'm so stupid. He'll hate me for getting him into trouble. Will he rat me out? How did they pin it back to him? Maybe Austin said something. So many questions and no one is answering their phones. 

I have to walk home by myself. Charlie is staying back for practice, it's gonna be every day now. Regularly. And I don't have Estela either but she should be at school, maybe she got dragged into Monty's mess too? My stomach twists again and I feel my heart rate increase. It's all my fault. 

I get home hoping that my mom is there. She did take the day off work, but she's not home. There's no note on the fridge so she probably went shopping. I was planning on asking her if she knew anything about the family living opposite us and their son getting arrested. Act like you know nothing. 

Someone at school said it was for drugs, that Monty was a drug dealer. Then someone else said it was for theft, that he stole something from a shop. Then there was also the rumour that he beat someone up but I didn't believe that. There was no mention of a car being damaged though. 

Monty's Jeep is in the driveway but it's been there since morning. They said he went into a cop car. I'm starting to worry. Really. I don't want Monty to get in trouble. Especially not because of me.

I stand by the window and wait for a police car for drive by and to stop by Monty's house. No cars drive by. Nothing. I can't stay here all day. So I decide that I might as well stay busy while I wait. That means taking a very very long shower and pretending that everything is okay. 

I stayed in the shower for a long time, even after my mom returned home and knocked on the bathroom door to tell me to go downstairs when I’m out. What  _ now? _

So I don’t even get the chance to blow dry my hair, I walk downstairs with my dripping wet hair, grey T-shirt and sweatpants. I’m already having a bad day but at least everyone was too preoccupied with Monty to even think about my nudes. It’s no longer relevant.

“Yes, mother?” I ask with a sigh as I walk into the kitchen. I know she hates it when I call her that and the minute she turns around, she shakes her head at me. She was shopping, there are paper bags on the counter and she takes out a bag of apples from it as I lean onto the island in the middle of the kitchen.

“How was school?” she asks and she turns back to sorting through the groceries. 

I shrug. “Alright.” No one talked about me really so it went as well as it could have. But then there’s the Monty thing. "Mom, have you heard anything about our neighbours?" If anyone loves gossip it's my mom and I'm the only one she can talk to about it. Her only child. 

"Like what?" she asks without turning around and then she tears open a packet of crisps and empties them into a large plastic bowl. 

"Erm… I don't know. Some people at school said Monty was arrested." I say and I lean over the counter to grab an apple from the bowl the second my mother turns around and places the bowl on the island. 

"The older boy?" my mom asks and I nod. "I think I saw a police car outside their house this morning but it didn't look like anyone was getting arrested," she tells me and I get that weird gut feeling again. So it's true. Maybe. 

My eye catches onto the plastic container by the side. Just then I'm about to ask my mom if she knows if they're back yet, my phone vibrates in my pocket and I immediately reach for it. It's a text message from Estela. 

**_Estela:_** _Sorry, I haven't used my phone all day. We had to go to my grandmother's, an emergency. Will be back in an hour :)_

Grandmother's? Who gets escorted by the police to their grandmother's house? Maybe their grandmother is a police officer. 

"What are you grinning at?" my mother asks and I shake my head. 

"Nothing." I read the text again before typing a quick reply, telling Estela not to worry about it. They'll be back in an hour. An hour. That's enough time to sort myself out.

I run upstairs, I can't go see Monty wearing old sweatpants and a wet shirt. I blow dry my hair first and then I style it. Am I really doing my hair for a conversation with a guy that's going to last five minutes? Yes, I am. And it better be worth it. 

An hour later, I sit in front of my bedroom window. A cop car. Estela can't honestly think I'm this stupid. I admit, I'm not the brightest and my intelligence isn't my greatest attribute but I do have common sense. Sometimes. 

Monty gets out first and he looks pissed. He's scowling and he slams the door of the car. He walks up the path, gets his keys out and goes inside the house. Estela follows after him, holding a plastic bag in her hands as she runs up the path and walks right into the house without closing the door behind her. 

Their mom stays back and she talks to the police officer for a minute. It doesn't look good, certainly looks like Monty got arrested. I can't go over there yet or I'll look like a creep, like I've been waiting by the window for the whole day. Because I haven't. 

I tell myself to focus on homework. There's a maths worksheet on algebra but it's dated for last week so I toss it into the trash can. No one is gonna miss it. I’ve got a biology worksheet to fill out too and I groan. I lay on my bed for what seems like hours, googling all the answers and skipping those that even Google doesn’t know the answer to. I hate Biology. 

I check my phone, it’s been almost an hour since they came back so I go over to my window again and I think someone up there must be looking out for me because Estela and her mother are walking out of the house. Estela has that white dog on a leash and they lock the front door before walking down the path and away from the house. Probably heading for the park. Monty isn’t with them and his car is still in the driveway. 

Thank you God, I promise to go to church this week.

***

I didn’t know it was possible to be this nervous. Never - and I mean never - in my life have I felt this nervous. I clutch onto the plastic container for support, it’s getting dark outside and my heart is drumming in my chest. 

I might pass out.

If I do, I hope it’s after Monty opens the door and then he can catch me before I fall to the ground. I’m praying for a miracle to get us close to one another. One thing I realise while I stand there and wait for the door to open, I don’t really know Monty. I make up scenarios about him in my bead, I obsess over him and I hate myself for it because I’m already ruining everything before it even begins.

Breathe Winston.

I knock again, I’ve been waiting here for a minute or so now. Maybe he’s not even home. Fuck I’m such an idiot. I take one step back and then the key turns in the door. I gulp.

“Yes?” a deep voice asks before the door fully opens. Monty’s voice isn’t deep but this is Monty. And then I understand. His hair is a mess, sticking up all over the place… he’s only wearing sweatpants. No shirt. Nothing but sweatpants. And judging by everything, I just woke him up.

“Er…” I stare at him like I’ve never seen an attractive guy before in my life. Trust me, I have. But Monty? He’s another level of attractiveness and I can’t ignore that. He just looks so  _ good.  _

“Yeah?” Monty asks again, this time louder and he stares back at me. I can’t meet his eyes so I keep my eyes down, only to realise I’m staring right at his chest. Look up you idiot, you look like a creep.

“Erm, I- Brought your thing back,” I mumble nervously and then I hold the plastic container out towards him. He raises one arm while his other one takes the container from me and he leans again the door. Holy- Jesus fucking Christ.

He’s got to know what he’s doing to me. But then I make eye contact with him, just for a split second and he looks so… innocent. Monty can’t be innocent, you can’t be this hot  _ and  _ innocent at the same time.

“Thanks,” he replies with a small smile that’s not really a smile, it’s the kind of face you make at the postman after taking a package and before you shut the door in his face. He’s already turning away from me and I catch sight of his back dimbles. He’s got back dimples? He’s just getting more and more perfect by the second. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a guy with back dimples before.

“Monty?” I say before I can change my mind and back away like the coward I am. He stops and turns back to me, waits for me to continue. “Um, so people at school are saying you got arrested?” I tell him uncertainly and he rolls his eyes.

I think I pissed him off until he holds the door open for me and steps to the side. Wow okay. Just stay cool Winston, don’t act weird in front of him. I fail the second I step inside.

“‘Cause I know that… the Austin thing? I thought maybe it was because of that? I don’t know, I didn’t wanna get you in trouble or anything. I hope you’re not in trouble. Is it my fault? I have lawyers, you know. My mom does actually but if you need-”

“Woah, slow down there Win-Win,” Monty says and he’s  _ grinning _ . I swear I stop breathing for a second. Then I remember that I’m rambling on and I blush. “Let me just put on a shirt,” Monty says and he leaves me in the living room while he goes up the stairs.

“I like you without the shirt on,” I say to myself once I’m sure he’s out of hearing distance. I stand where I am, the house looks finished now. And it’s tidy. The couch doesn’t look like someone slept on it so it looks like Monty finally moved into his room. Would it be too forward of me to ask for a tour?

Monty’s back after two minutes with a black T-shirt and a loose flannel covering his chest and arms. That’s a shame. “What were you saying again?” Monty asks and he passes me and sits down on the sofa. He rests his elbow on the armrest and then leans his face against his hand. God, he just looks good doing anything, doesn’t he?

“That erm, someone at school said you got arrested,” I say calmly now. Deep breaths and you’ll be okay Winston. I don’t want him to know that one look from him can leave me breathless. “I thought maybe it had something to do with Austin.”

That sounded natural, right? Like two friends just having a conversation? I hope so. 

Monty laughs then and I don’t care if he’s laughing at me, he’s got a cute laugh. Really cute. I have to bite my cheeks to stop myself from stupidly smiling at him.

“Arrested?” he repeats after me and then he shakes his head. First Estela lied about being with her grandmother and now Monty… What excuse is he gonna come up with? Obviously, I don’t blame them, they don’t know me and I don’t expect them to trust me. I just hate being lied to.

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing to do with you,” Monty says and that’s that. There’s no excuse, no lie but also no explanation either. I don’t know if I’m glad or disappointed. “How are you feeling then? Not sick anymore?” Monty continues. Changing the topic. But I’ll allow it just because we’re talking about me. I want him to talk about me. And he obviously cares.

“No, don’t think so. I feel better,” I tell him while I’m screaming internally because I hate this small talk. I’d rather have a real conversation with him, I want to get to know him properly. I know it’s stupid and that I’m missing Austin which is the only reason why I’m obsessing so much, I just want someone to replace him in my life.

“Good. That’s good…” Monty looks around the living room, starts biting his lip and then he sees the container I brought back. He placed it on the table as he came in and he reaches for it now. “I should put this away.”

I give him a nod unsure of what he really means. Oh hell, it’s awkward. He stands up and keeps his eyes on me. “Oh, erm. Right, I should get going,” I say and he gives me a small nod showing me that that’s exactly what he meant. 

He walks me out and says bye at the door. I say bye too and then I turn away. That could have gone worse, right? Wrong. Sure he’s attractive and sure, I didn’t embarrass myself around him but there was nothing. And by nothing I mean, I didn’t feel like he wanted me there or like he wanted to talk to me. Nothing, no connection. It’s all in my head.

***

Firstly, I hated myself for getting so obsessed with Monty and secondly, I hated Austin for… pretty much everything. I forgot to do my homework? Austin’s fault. My favourite paintbrush breaks? Austin’s fault. The fact that I now sleep alone, hugging a pillow and wishing it was a guy instead? Austin’s fault.

It’s not like I loved him, I knew it was just fun but at the same time, I loved waking up with someone’s arms wrapped around me. Now I go to sleep and I wake up alone. It sucks.

On Wednesday Monty came back to school and laughed off any rumour about getting arrested. They forgot about it because Monty told them to. And then they started picking on me again.

It was the same comments every time, asking if I do camboy shows for money too now, how much I sell my pictures for, blah blah blah…

One of the football guys said something along those lines while Charlie and I were walking past at lunch and Monty glared at him. He didn’t have to say a word, one look and the guy shut his mouth. I could have thanked Monty but it was already awkward enough whenever we said hi to each other in the corridor. How did we get to this awkward stage without anything actually happening between us?

That’s all I can think about while I stare out of my window on Friday night. The streets are dark and empty, all the lights in the houses surrounding mine are out which makes sense as it’s getting close to midnight. 

I think getting a window seat for me was my mom’s best idea, means I can stay here all night without my back hurting.

I can't sleep. Not that I even tried, I'm just trying to understand how my life got so messy. I'm obsessing over a guy, the whole school (maybe even other schools) saw my nudes, I'm failing most of my classes and I keep arguing with my best friend about a guy who doesn't even seem interested in me. I just want someone to want me back for once. 

And Charlie is sweet but he's… he keeps talking about Monty and how oh 'he was singing a song in the locker room on Thursday' and 'Monty hugged me after I scored a touchdown' and Monty this, Monty that. I don't wanna know. 

So I sit there with my head laying in my arms. My eyes focus on a street lamp that flickers every three seconds. The house is silent, my mom is asleep. There's another thing. Austin texted me. He unblocked my number and he sent me one message: 'I'm sorry, can we talk?'. I haven't replied yet because I don't know what to say.

Do I forgive him? No. But… I just need someone to talk to right now. My phone vibrates again and I get that mini heart attack knowing that it's probably Austin again. It's late so…

I pick up the phone. It's not from Austin.

**_Unknown Number:_ ** _ Look up :) _

What? I'm confused at first and I immediately look up without moving my head. The house opposite, the window opposite mine, the light is on in that room and Monty is stood in front of the window. 

My eyes widen. He's wearing a shirt and sweatpants again. His pyjamas? He looks cute. Adorable actually. And then he raises his hand and he gives me a small wave. My heart actually stops for a second. His head is tilted to the side and he’s giving me this smile. Oh, how he’s smiling at me. It feels like… I never want him to stop looking at me like that.

I wave back, uncertainly too and then I look down at the phone in my other hand. This is… weird? The good kind of weird. Again, I think this is a sign from heaven telling me to ignore Austin and focus on Monty.

**_Winston:_ ** _ How did you get my number? _

I look up again and I watch as he looks down at his phone and reads the message. I’m loving this so far. He begins to type and then I get a message two seconds later.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Estela _

I want to roll my eyes but I can’t, he’s watching me. Estela. What an informative answer. Once again, he’s being brief and I don’t know if he means that Estela gave it to him or if he asked for it. If he wants to be like that then… I can be like that too.

No, you know what? He wants to be brief? I’ll be forward.

I call him. Hesitating means thinking so I don’t hesitate. I press the button and then I hold the phone up to my ear. Monty looks at the screen of his phone and then back at me. He answers.

“Hello?” He’s grinning again, that goddamn grin. Making me question everything I’ve been telling myself. Are you into me or not Montgomery de la Cruz?

“Why’d you text?” I ask straight away and I raise my eyebrows at him. He pauses and then a second later, he grabs a chair and moves it to the window.

“Why’d you answer?” he replies and then he sits down on the chair, the wrong way around and he rests his arm on the backrest of the chair. And here he is, answering a question with another question.

“I asked first,” I remind him and then I reach for a pillow and I place it behind my back so I can sit down more comfortably. I stretch my legs and I wait for his answer. He’s watching me again, smiling. Again. Hasn’t stopped.

He sighs over the phone and moves the chair closer to the window. “Maybe I wanted to talk to you,” he says innocently and he stares right at me even though there’s a street separating us. “And… I don’t know.”

“What?” I ask eagerly. Okay so he might be texting me at midnight but so far, it’s all innocent. I don’t want it to be.

“Just thought you looked sad,” Monty says with a shrug and I drop the act in two seconds. My face softens, my eyes start to water and I stare at him. He’s not like Austin, he’s not texting me because he needs someone. He’s texting me because he thinks _ I _ need someone. “If you need to talk to someone…” he offers and then he glances behind him. “Everyone is asleep. You can come over if you like.”

His tone. It’s so soft so… If he keeps this up I’m gonna be in love with him by next week. And his offer is obviously innocent but my mind immediately goes to places that it shouldn’t go to. I blush and then I hide my face in my arms again before Monty can see.

The reason why I can’t control myself around him is that I keep seeing him as Monty my hot neighbour that I fantasise about almost every day. That’s the fantasy Monty that lives in my head. If I wanna be his friend like I said, I’m gonna have to get to know him. The real him.

“So?” he asks into the phone and I look up again. He's waiting and I shouldn't make him wait long. 

"Wait. I'll be there in a minute," I tell him with a sigh and he grins even wider. He's cute, he's not just hot. 

"Just don't knock," he says and he runs his fingers through his messy hair. I like his bed hair. "Text me and I'll open the door."

"Okay," I say a little shakily and then the call ends and I draw the curtains to cover my window. Okay okay okay. One minute. My mom is sleeping, my hair is a mess, I'm wearing the clothes I've been wearing all day. A light blue T-shirt and grey jeans. Oh God, I'm gonna look like shit but if I stall, he'll know I tried to look good for him. 

I walk out of my room after turning the lights off. I grab my keys from the hook by the door so I don't get locked out, so I can come back here, so I can't be tempted to stay with Monty… 

I cross the street, it's warm outside. My heart is pounding. To be honest I don't think I know Monty at all. I'm friends with his sister and I… spent some time with him by wrecking Austin's car. But I don't really know him. 

I text him like he told me to do and then thirty seconds later the door opens and Monty stands there. All I have to do to get to him is cross one street. I like this. 

He holds the door open, puts his finger to his smiling lips and I step inside. It's much warmer inside than it is outside. Is that why I'm sweating?

"Come on," Monty whispers and then he walks across the living room and heads for the stairs. I follow and stay a few steps behind because I think it's appropriate. For now. 

It's dark and I can't really see him or anything around us for that matter. Not until we get to his room and he flicks the light on. His room.

I step inside and I stay by the door whereas Monty closes the door and he heads over to the bed. He's got a large bed in the middle, dark blue bedding, a lot of pillows. I could fit in that bed with him. Then opposite the bed he has a cabinet right up against the wall with a flat-screen TV resting there. It's for his PlayStation. Of course he has a PlayStation, he's just a guy after all. 

Then there's also his desk with the chair he was sat on just a few minutes ago and then his closet. A set of drawers by the bed. He looks like he moved in but the shelves are empty, the desk is empty and there's a sealed box next to the closet. At least he unpacked his PlayStation. Boys. 

"Wanna sit down?" Monty offers. I blink and then I nod. Sitting down. Next to Monty. I wonder what Estela would think. She's been so sweet to me this past week, standing up for me every time someone even glanced at me with a stupid grin on their face. 

I stand by the bed, Monty is laying down with one knee bent, foot flat on the mattress and his hands resting in his stomach. 

"I don't bite," he jokes. I wish he would. I sit down on the edge of the bed and I start to mess around with my hair. It must look like a mess. 

"Sorry, my hair's a mess," I say to fill the silence and Monty quirks an eyebrow. 

"It is? I think it looks fine," he comments with a shrug. I think he looks more than fine. Then he clears his throat. "So what's up with you? You wanna talk, I'm here to listen."

I don't know if I should talk about it, I don't know if he'll understand but he said he's willing to listen. And he offered. Is he actually this… perfect? 

"I, erm. Austin texted me," I say and Monty immediately goes into defensive mode. He sits up and his face hardens. 

"You better tell me you didn't reply. I didn't trash that fucker's car for nothing," he scoffs and the tension eases. Friends, we can be that. 

I chuckle lightly. "I didn't reply. You distracted me."

"Good," he says firmly. He rolls his shoulders back and I smile at him. Then I look away. "And he didn't mention the car?" Monty asks. He wants to know if he should be worried or not. 

I shrug. "He said he wanted to talk. So I don't know." I pause and Monty nods. He won't be in trouble. At least not from this. "Speaking of. What did you… get arrested for?"

Monty rolls his eyes. "Didn't get arrested," he says and cocks his head to the side. God, he's so hot. Then he goes silent and he bites his lip. He listened to me and I want him to talk to me. Even if he doesn't know me. 

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah, yeah," Monty buts in and he trails off. "It was just… some stuff about my dad. Legal stuff. Boring. Don't wanna talk about it." Legal stuff about his dad? Noted: Monty doesn't get on with his dad and he hates talking about him. I might be stupid but one thing I'm… okay at is reading people. Well sometimes. Okay, I'm lying, Monty, rolled his eyes when he mentioned his dad. I can't read people for shit.

"Right. Yeah, alright," I say. He didn't push me, I'm not pushing him. But what does he wanna talk about then? We have to talk about something or we'll find something else to do. 

"So why weren't you sleeping? Isn't it past your bedtime already?" Monty turns and then he shifts closer towards me. 

"Haha, very funny." Bedtime jokes. He's so mature. He actually laughs and I attempt not to read into the fact that he moved closer to me. "I just have… trouble sleeping." Because I hate sleeping alone, I like having someone's arm around me when I sleep. Although I'm not gonna admit that to him. 

"Yeah? Me too," he admits and he gives me this long look, it feels like he's looking straight at me. Like he knows everything, everything that I try to hide behind tones of hair gel and the overconfident act that I only seem to drop when he makes me blush.

"So when… how do you sleep?" 

"Who said I sleep?"

I just thought he did. From his bed hair and his crumpled clothes and… how he always looks good? He doesn't look like someone who doesn't sleep. As I said, he could pass for a model. 

"I… doze off sometimes. When my brain's had enough." Monty jokes but I can see that he doesn't find it funny. He can't sleep and it's not like the way it is with me, not because he's worried about something. Something is eating away at him.

"Oh. I'm sorry," I say because I can't think of anything else to say. Then I move up the bed deciding that it's okay to cross a boundary. I sit next to him and I hesitate before putting my hand on his shoulder. "Do you wanna... "

"Talk about it? Nah, nothing to talk about," he says shortly and my hand drops from his shoulder. Okay then. Getting close to him is gonna be difficult. He pretends everything is fine but I've seen him. And he's not okay, I saw him get out of that cop car and he didn't look happy. 

"Is it about your dad?" I dare ask and Monty flinches. At least I have the right idea. 

"Look man, I don't wanna talk about it," he answers. Man. 'Man'. What? I've heard him talk to Scott, Justin and some other guys on the team. He called them 'man' too. Do I belong in the same category as them? 

He mistakens my silence to mean something else. "Nothing personal, I just don't wanna get into it," Monty explains further and he scratches the back of his neck. Nice, now I made it awkward. Good work. 

"No, yeah, I get that," I assure him before he starts to think I'm being pushy. It's clear that he doesn't like talking about himself, doesn't like people knowing that he cares. God, he's gonna be a challenge. And I thought Austin was hard. And then Charlie's words ring in my head, something he said when I first started getting involved with Austin. 

'He's not a charity case. He's human and he's… a bit fucked up, don't you think?" Charlie said while I was sat on his bed telling him about the great guy I met. He could never be happy for me. "And don't make it your mission to 'fix' him, I don't wanna see you getting hurt."

Monty and Austin are not the same. Monty's not… like that. Now he's smiling at me and then he closes his eyes. He lays down on the bed, rests his hands behind his head. 

"How was school?"

It's such a simple ordinary question that I'm not sure how to answer. Monty turns on his side, props his head up using his elbow and he gives me that smile again, the one that turns my brain to mush. "Talk to me," he says and then he places his hand on my knee. He knows what he's doing to me, he knows that I'm gay and he's hot. There's only one way this could end. 

"Erm, so uh… it was fine?" His hand leaves my knee and he nods to show me that I have his full attention. For once, I don't want his attention. I bow my head as I continue speaking. "Obviously some guys said something about… my pictures but Estela told them to fuck off." Monty chuckles softly, encouraging me to go on. "And… I think I failed my maths test? Not surprised, I didn't prepare for it one bit but I drew Mickey Mouse holding a compass under a geometry question and I hope I get some points for that." The more I speak, the more relaxed I become and it's all good, Monty is listening to me. 

I'm still talking, telling him the most boring parts about my week until my tongue hurts from talking. "And yeah… I think it's your turn now." I look up and I stare at him. His eyes are closed and he's not moving. "Monty?" 

He's asleep. I guess that's my cue to leave. Did I really bore him that much?

***

"So does your mom always leave you by yourself?" Estela asks and she throws another grape in the air and catches it perfectly as it lands in her mouth. 

"Most of the time." And with my mom not around, no one checks up on me to make sure I do my homework and prepare for my exams. My maths teacher sent me an email this morning, she said that my result was 'horrendous' and that she's giving me one chance to improve it. I've gotta stay back on Monday to redo the test. She said that I didn't even try. I didn't. 

So naturally, I ranted to Estela and she offered to help. It's slightly weird having to look her in the face when I was in her brother's room late last night. He fell asleep so I left. I even locked the door behind me and I pushed the key in through the letterbox. He hasn't messaged me yet and I don't wanna be the first to break and text him. 

We’re in my bedroom, sitting on opposite ends of the bed. I pass my worksheet to Estela after I’m done with it and she sighs. "Winston, not a single one of these questions is right.” Her eyes scan down my list of answers and I groan. 

"A wise man once created a calculator so people like me wouldn't have to suffer through maths," I tell her and her look turns to one of amusement as she grins. I place my pen down on the bed and I cross my arms over my chest. "Besides, I'm gay. You can't expect me to be good at maths." 

Estela just sighs as she reaches for her red pen to correct all my answers. I don’t understand why I have to do some silly questions when I should be trying to remember what was on the test so I can practice those questions instead. 

There’s a pause and I bring my knees up to my chest. Estela gives me this look, she eyes me up and down and then puts the pen and paper to the side. "Boy trouble?" she asks and I frown.

"How did you know?” I ask nervously. Can she tell I was with her brother last night? Maybe she saw me sneaking in or she heard me talking to Monty.

Estela smiles proudly, she can read people well. “You look like Monty when he has-had relationship problems,” Estela says and she has my full attention now. “There was this one… erm. Girl. Monty had a lot of problems with her,” Estela continues but I stopped listening after the word ‘girl’. Girl. Monty likes girls which would mean… maybe he’s bi? He looks bi, I think? 

Charlie’s bi, maybe he could help me out. Though we’re not on the best of terms now that we’re silently fighting over the same guy. But Charlie would know, he could even ask Monty in the locker room. 

It’s not like I can ask Estela or Monty, way too forward even for me. I have to build up to it. Like I said, friends first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes, i only read through this once  
> also im kinda obsessed with this wonty oops


	6. Friendship

**Chapter Six**

I have a crush on Monty. And it's not the same as before. Before it was the 'you're hot, I’d pay you to fuck me' kind of crush. Now I… he makes me nervous. And not only is he hot, but he’s also sweet and he’s cute and he’s adorable and all I wanna do is just tell him how much I want him. I can’t do that. 

He smiles at me in school and I melt, my heart starts beating faster and my palms sweat. It's one of the worst and best things I've ever felt. 

Monty hasn’t said anything about that night. Yet. I actually obsessed over it for a while, thinking that maybe I was so boring that he had to pretend to be asleep to kick me out. I hate my brain sometimes. But Monty didn’t seem bothered about falling asleep, he acts normal around me. That makes one of us. 

“So? What did you get?” Estela gives me a nudge and I know what she’s asking about, I wasn’t that deep in thought. Thinking about Monty.

“Fifty-five percent,” I tell her and her expression doesn’t change. She doesn’t know if that’s a good or bad score for me. For a C student like me, it’s what I expected. “It’s good, I’ve never gotten past forty in maths,” I let her know and then she finally relaxes. 

"Well done, looks like my tutoring helped," Estela says with a smile. She tutored me all weekend. But we also messed around and watched movies which is when I found out that Shrek is Monty's comfort movie. See what I mean? 

Jess joins us at lunch with a coffee and a cheese sandwich. She rolls her eyes when she notices me staring. "It was the only vegetarian thing they had," she justifies her poor food choice with a shake of her head. "You'd get more vegetarian options at a prison." Jess sits down and then she bites into her sandwich.

"How is it?" I ask her and she throws it into the nearest trash can. She's got good aim. 

"There's this vegetarian bar in town," Estela interrupts casually and she smiles at Jess. Is she… did she just casually ask her on a date? I look back and forth between them, watching it all unfold in front of me. Jess seems clueless. 

"You've been in town for a few weeks and you already know?" she asks, looking interested. A small smile plays on her lips. "I always wanted to go but no one would go with me. Not Justin, not Winston." She sends a look my way and raises one eyebrow. "So I was condemned to nasty canteen food."

"I can go with you if you like. I don't mind," Estela continues and I scoff. How is it that easy for her? And why can't Jess see that she's clearly flirting with her? Obviously, it's less complicated for girls than it is for guys. 

"Wait, you're going now?" I panic when they gather their stuff and stand up. They can't leave me, I don't wanna sit here by myself like a loser. Charlie already left me to go worship Monty so I have no one else. 

"We'll be back in time for chemistry," Jess says with a shrug. Such great friends I have, my new friend stealing my other friend and leaving me all alone. Suddenly I don't feel so bad for trying to get with her brother. 

"Right," I huff. But I can’t stay mad at them for long.

"See ya," Estela says with a small wave and I find myself waving back. She knows what she's doing, I wish I had her confidence. I watch her and Jess walk through the canteen together and then my eye rests on Charlie as the girls pass his table. 

He's settled in well. They all love him and he's part of the team now too. Quarterback. I know because he wouldn't stop bragging about it or that Scott and Monty promised they'll go over the plays with him. He knows I had that ridiculous crush on Scott last year and this year… Charlie can be supportive but he can also be this. So I'm friendless again. 

It's way too depressing to sit in the canteen by myself so I scoff my lunch down in three bites and then I grab my bag and I go. 

I've been to the library approximately three times in my very uneventful life. I just don't like it, it scares me a little. The silence and all those books… how can someone sit down and actually enjoy reading a book? I’d get bored after reading the blurb. But whatever, I guess everyone has their own thing.

And my own thing is art. I used to spend my lunches in the art room just because I liked sitting there and drawing while talking to Chloe or Sheri or whoever was there. That was before Charlie dragged me out of there and forced me to go to the canteen with him. And I never went back.

I walk in through the door, the faint sound of the radio playing brings back all those memories. This used to be my safe place. Mrs Dixon smiles at me and then gestures for me to sit down when I stand by the door for a little too long. 

I recognise some people here like Gabe who’s a senior or Chloe who’s a junior like me, we used to be close. But there’s a lot of new kids, mostly freshmen and sophomores. Then there’s also Sheri. She’s sat in the corner, typing away at a laptop. I don’t know if I should disturb her but she looks up while I walk down the row and she smiles at me. That’s a relief.

“Hey,” I whisper and I sit down in the empty seat next to her. She might be a senior and she's obviously much more popular than me but she doesn't act like it. And Sheri was one of the first people I came out to. Before I was friends with Jessica or Justin. 

"Hey, didn't know you still came here," she answers without taking her eyes off the screen. I see that she's typing up an English essay. This is a safe place to do anything after all. 

"I don't. I just had no one to sit with at lunch." Because God forbid anyone sees me sitting by myself, that's just embarrassing.

Sherri narrows her eyes at me. “Is it about Charlie?”

Charlie. I shake my head. “We’re still friends,” I say but Sheri’s still looking at me like she knows there’s more. “He just prefers to sit with the football team now. With Monty,” I tell her, finally giving in. Though I’m not gonna hold it against Charlie, I’d do the same. 

“Monty,” Sheri repeats after me and then she nods. She saves her document on the laptop and then she closes it. She’s weirdly quiet now at the mention of Monty. I wonder if she knows anything.

“What?” I ask her and she shrugs. “Sheri.” 

“It’s just that…” She says and then she puts her laptop away so she can keep her hands busy and not have to look at me. I don’t like this. “Well, he seems nice, right? I don’t want Bryce or the other guys to corrupt him.” Sheri says and then she looks away when her eyes meet mine. Ah. So I’m not the only one crushing on him. 

And although I see what Sheri means (Bryce tends to turn people into assholes), I don’ think that would ever happen with Monty. He’s already got the football team eating from the palm of his hand. 

“Yeah, I get what you mean,” I say simply not wanting to get too much into a conversation about Monty or I’ll say too much. I talk with Sheri until the bell signalling the end of lunch rings and then I eye her up and down. She’s pretty. Any guy would go for her. And they’d be right to, I may be gay but I can see that she’s pretty, funny, kind, caring… What have I got to offer?

***

Estela won't tell me anything. I asked her how lunch with Jess went. She said it went 'fine'. I kept pestering her the full walk home but she wouldn't tell me a thing. I’ll take that to mean it went well. At least one of us isn’t completely helpless at flirting.

I stayed at her house for a few minutes. She said her mom was at work and she invited me inside because my mom is at work too. I was hoping she’d let me stay for a little longer, until Monty came back from practice. But she said she had some things to do so I let myself out because I didn’t wanna disturb her.

And as I’m crossing the street, I see that someone is waiting by my front door. He’s sitting on the doorstep with his head in his hands and my heart rate increases. What is he  _ doing _ here?

“Austin?” He looks up at the sound of my voice and he looks so… lost. I have to remind myself that he’s the reason I can’t go a day without hearing someone mention my nudes for my brain to stop sympathising with him. "You need to go."

He stands up immediately but stays where he is. Blocks my door. I try to step past him but he grabs my elbow. "Please. Don't," I say quietly and he immediately lets me go. I look for my keys, patting my pockets until I find them. I don't trust myself around him. Even if I know he's not good for me and even if I know he deliberately hurt me to save himself. But I just need  _ someone _ . I don't feel like I have anyone right now. 

"I just need to talk," he says and he stands behind me as I unlock the door. It's dark inside. My mom isn't home. This is how it usually is. 

"Call and set up an appointment, I'll think about it," I say clearly and Austin laughs dryly. 

"Can't. You blocked my number," he reminds me. I keep the door open and I stand there on the doorstep. I did block his number. I just thought it was the best thing to do for everyone. 

"Please can I come inside?"

I look into the hallway. I guess I can give him a few minutes of my time. 

I nod and step inside. He follows and neither of us says much. I flick the lights on but I stay in the living room instead of going upstairs like we usually do. 

"So?"

Austin clears his throat. He tries to take a step forward but the second he does, I take two steps back. He doesn't try anymore. "Look, I get why you did what you did to my car. You… I deserved it." he says with a sigh. All I need him to do is say he'll forget about it so then I won't have to worry about getting Monty in trouble. I nod along signalling him to continue. "I, uh, I'm not gonna get you in trouble for it. I just want you to know I'm sorry. For what I did."

"Okay.” There’s not much else I can say. Do I forgive him? I don’t think so. But at least I know I won’t be going to jail anytime soon. Orange isn’t really my colour.

Austin nods, he keeps his eyes on the ground and he exhales. "And… I was hoping we could still be… Friends." I almost choke on air. Friends? Do friends leak each other's nudes? He nibbles on his lip but I can't look at him. I agreed to talk to him but this… he's gotta be joking. 

I think back to what Monty said. He didn't fuck Austin's car up for nothing. Every time Austin creeps into my mind, I have to remind myself of Monty. I remember how I laid in his bed with him and he looked at me and… I felt like he could see me properly. And he fell asleep next to me I loved every minute of it even if I only see that now. 

"I think you should go," I say. I try to be confident, show him that I know what I want but my voice comes out as a whisper. Shaky unsure whisper. 

"Winston-"

"Please?" Can’t he see that it’s all too much and too early? Or maybe too late? I don’t know, I just don’t wanna talk to him. Don’t wanna forgive him or be his ‘friend’. He doesn’t deserve it. 

“Yeah, okay,” Austin says and then he hesitates like he wants me to tell him to stay. I don’t want him to stay. I wait there until he turns around and walks out of the house. I stay where I am for a good few minutes. 

He didn’t drive here because his car is wrecked. Maybe he walked. I hope he’s not waiting outside for an uber. Nevertheless, I check by peering through the window. He’s nowhere to be found. 

I sit down on the sofa wondering what I should do. But I already know what I wanna do. I grab my phone, unlock it and then I stare at the messages app before clicking on it. Monty. I check the time and practice should end soon. I don’t wanna text him first and look like the desperate one but… Fuck it.

**_Winston:_ ** _ Hey _

Hey?  _ Hey?  _ What does that even mean? Why did I type that? Fuck fuck fuck. I just don’t want him to think I’m weird. I want him to _ like _ me. If this was anyone else, I would be able to just… be myself I guess. Talk to them like a normal person? Flirt? But instead, when it comes to Monty, I’m a mess. He makes me freak out about every little thing without even trying. No, I need to do something before I type him a whole essay to apologize for saying ‘hey’. I just don’t know how to  _ talk _ to him for fuck’s sake.

I put my phone down on the counter while I make food for myself. Grilled cheese. I glance at my phone every thirty seconds resulting in me almost burning my hand. I wait for the light on my phone to start blinking, telling me I got a message but there’s nothing. 

I eat in the living room, in front of the TV and even then I keep staring at my phone. Jesus, my mom is gonna get home before this boy answers the goddamn message. Is he playing hard to get? I hope not, that’s my thing. Though I could probably give Monty a pass. I don’t have the self-restraint to play hard to get with him.

And then the light on my phone blinks. It’s a good thing I wasn't eating or I probably would have choked. I grab my phone and unlock it as quickly as I can. I get the password wrong the first time from the rush of it all but it works the second time. 

**_Monty:_ ** _ Heyy _

He replied. What do I say back? Do I tell him about Austin? Fuck, he’s gonna be pissed. But… that also means he’s gonna act overprotective again.

**_Winston:_** _So Austin came to my house…_

The last time he heard that Austin texted me, he was clearly pissed. This is more than just texting, he showed up at my house. I tuck my knees into my chest as I wait for him to reply. The three dots keep moving, showing me that he’s typing and it’s like waiting for a death sentence.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Wtf? What did he want? _

I smile at the text message and then another one comes before I get the chance to reply.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Are you okay? _

I keep grinning at my phone like an idiot as our conversation continues. I tell him I’m fine and that I made grilled cheese so everything is better. It seems like too much to ask him if he’d like some too. A casual invitation for him to come over. I agreed on friends first. At least until I find out if there’s any possibility that he might like me.

Monty is the one to end our conversation and I can’t help but feel a little… disappointed? What else did I expect from a text conversation? It went as well as it could have.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Gonna be driving now so can’t talk. Bye for now :) _

Bye for now. So… it’s not really  _ over _ yet? God this guy makes me feel like I’m thirteen and crushing on the football team captain (Scott) again. I get giddy every time my phone vibrates even though I know it’s not from him. I go upstairs to put my school bag way and stuff my homework into the top drawer of my nightstand where it will be forgotten about just like every other piece of homework I got this year. 

I try to get started on maths work because I’m on the verge of failing. I don’t need to ace my classes but I can’t fail them either or Princeton won’t want me. Not that I’d even have a chance at going to Princeton if it was only down to my grades. They'd probably laugh if I applied like every other kid. Except I’m not every other kid. And I’ve still got a year to go so even if I fail some classes now, I can make up for it next year. 

Maths is exhausting. 

***

“Winston! For Goodness sake, how many times-” I wake up when my door bursts open and my mom stands there with her arms crossed. I stare at her, she stares back and I’m even more confused now. What did I do? I was just sleeping, I can’t do anything if I was sleeping.

“I called you downstairs fifteen  _ minutes  _ ago,” my mother tells me so I mumble something about being asleep and she shakes her head. “Dinner’s in the kitchen.” She walks back out and doesn’t shut the door behind her.

I groan and get out of bed to close it when it hits me. I fell asleep. Maths does do wonders. And even though it wasn't as nice as falling asleep with someone, I still slept. I thought Austin coming by might rattle me but… Monty made me forget all about it.

Monty.

Fuck. 

Usually, I put my phone on charge before I go to bed. It's not on charge. I look under the duvet, the pillows, I pat my bed sheets. Shit, I think my phone was on the bed when I fell asleep. I remember glancing at it while I was doing my homework. 

The homework. 

I look around, my notebook along with the homework is on the floor. And underneath it is my phone. Thankfully it's still in one piece. And the light is blinking. 

"Winston!"

"I'll be there in a minute!" I shout back to calm my mother. Does she not understand I'm kinda busy right now? I said I was gonna go downstairs, didn't I? 

**_Monty:_ ** _ Just got home, do you wanna hang out?  _

Fuc- I hate maths. My heart pounds in my chest as I read the message over and over again. He wanted to hang out and I didn't even  _ reply. _ I'm not sure what I should say. He sent the message over an hour ago. He probably thinks I'm ignoring him. 

_ Winston: I'm so sorry, I fell asleep. Just got your message now _

I read over it and I realise that it sounds a bit desperate. I tweak it a little before pressing send. 

**_Winston:_ ** _ Sorry, fell asleep. Just saw your message now  _

My mom shouts for me again so I decide not to torture myself by starting at the screen and waiting for him to reply. 

Turns out my mother wants to have dinner with me. To find out what's going on in my life… to share. I can't remember doing things like this since she got her promotion. And I don't really want to share things about myself. 

We sit opposite each other and as soon as she starts telling me about work, my phone vibrates. I pretend to drop something under the table just so I can read the message.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Haha that's okay. What's your secret though, would love to sleep  _

I clearly remember him falling asleep in the middle of a conversation with me but whatever. I'm skilled enough to be able to text without looking. I make a typo here and there but Monty can tell what I'm trying to say. And that's how I get through dinner with my mom, by texting Monty. I'm happy, she's happy, Monty's happy.

And I love talking to him. Even if most of the conversation was just him telling me about football practice and talking about the team. It seems like football is something he's really dedicated to. It's cute that he's got something he's passionate about. Like me with photography. We've already got so much in common. 

"I'll clean up," I say feeling a little guilty that I barely paid any attention to anything my mom said. She looks exhausted after work so she gives me a small smile and heads upstairs. 

It takes me hours to clean up because I keep taking little breaks to text Monty back. Then it's way past nine in the evening and my eyes feel like they're on fire. I stare at the three dots, waiting for Monty to send his message. We've talked a lot, I haven't thought about ending the conversation but I'll probably just tell him that I'm going to bed. 

**_Monty:_ ** _ I liked talking to you but I'm going on a walk now to clear my head. Maybe it'll help me fall asleep. Idk _

I'm so hung up on the first part of that message that I almost don't acknowledge that rest of it. But he said he  _ likes _ talking to me. At least I know it isn't all in my head. But then I read the second part and I stare at the text as I think of an appropriate reply. I honestly feel bad for him that he can't fall asleep. Sometimes I stay awake worrying about things but I get a few hours of sleep. It's sad that he can't fall asleep and I wonder if it's just insomnia or something else. 

_ Winston: Take me with you? I can't sleep either  _

Which is a complete lie as I'm already falling asleep on the kitchen island. I hesitate before clicking the ‘send’ button. Maybe I sound a little too needy. Fuck. I start chewing on my lip, the last time we went on a walk together, he ended up putting his earphones in and not saying a word to me the entire time. And now he said he wanted to clear his head, I’ll just be a distraction. So I delete the previous message and type another one.

**_Winston:_ ** _ Okay, I’m gonna try to fall asleep. Night _

And that’s my chance to spend some time with him gone.

***

Charlie finally decides to start acting like my friend on Friday. Estela and Jessica are yet on another lunch date. Or ‘date’. They say they just go out to eat but they always return giggling. I see what’s going on. But that means I have no one to sit with at lunch except for Charlie.

“Why aren’t you sitting with your besties?” I ask dully while I open my store-bought sandwich and look inside to check there’s nothing disgusting in there. Like tomatoes. I wonder what made Charlie decide to ditch his jock friends, he seemed to be getting along with them so well.

I hear him sigh across from me but I concentrate on the sandwich. After a close inspection, I put it back together and I can finally take the first bite without having to worry about anything weird being inside of it. 

“You know you’re my best friend,” Charlie says, giving me his signature puppy dog eyes. I scoff. He hasn’t been acting like it recently. I felt like we haven’t talked in a while so yesterday I texted him to ask if he wanted to hang out and he read my message but didn’t reply until hours later telling me that he was busy. Busy with  _ what? _

“And what about your football friends?” I ask nodding towards the overcrowded table. I try to spot Monty in the chaos of it all but they’re all surrounding him. Like hawks. 

“They’re not my friends,” Charlie mutters and then he looks down at the table. I know that voice. It’s the ‘something bad happened’ voice. And even though I’m sort of mad at him for being obsessed with Monty, I don’t blame him.

“What happened?” I wipe my mouth, put down my sandwich and I look at Charlie. There’s definitely something on his mind. There’s something different about him. 

Charlie sighs and slowly, he sits straight and looks at me. I wait. I know not to push him into telling me anything or I’ll completely discourage him. I know that much. “So yesterday before practice,” he begins and he steals a glance at the table he used to sit with as they erupt in laughter. Must be something Monty said. Okay, enough about Monty. I turn back to Charlie. “It was just me and a couple of other guys in the locker room, we were let out of lesson early,” he continues and then he reaches for the sleeve of his oversized jumper to have something to distract himself with. 

“Okay…” I motion with my hand for him to go on. 

“And…” he says and then he looks up. The second he makes eye contact with me, he blushes. 

“What?” I shift in my chair, looking around to see if anyone else noticed but no one is paying attention to us.

“They were watching, uh, a video. Your video,” Charlie mumbles and he shakes his head so that blonde hair falls over his eyes. Now I’m blushing too. I thought it was just the pictures that Austin leaked. No, it was the videos too. Great. It feels like it’s happening all over again. And he had the audacity to come to my house and ask if we can still be friends.

“And?” I scoff, trying to seem like it doesn’t bother me when it really fucking does. 

“And… I stood up for you,” Charlie says simply and then he shrugs. Of course. I give him so much shit and he- He’s still my best friend. I need to get over the fact that he and Monty get along. So what if they do? They’re teammates.

“Thanks,” I say and Charlie gives me a small nod. I pick my sandwich up again even though I no longer feel hungry.

“And, er,” Charlie adds and I stop. There’s more? This can’t be good. He looks down at the table again and when he speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper. “I… They said things about you and me. And then more things and I… I’m gonna quit the team today. Just wanted you to know.”

I stare at him. Being on the team is… he can’t quit! Certainly not because of a bunch of idiots saying shit to him. “Who’s ‘they’?”

Charlie puts his head in his hands. I know how much the team means to him so I understand that this must be hard for him. All because he defended me. “Bryce… Tristan… Josh…” he lists but I know it’s all Bryce. Bryce is the guy in charge, nothing happens without his say so. And he didn’t mention Monty. Monty wouldn’t do something like this. 

Monty.

I can’t let Charlie quit the team. Just looking at him from across the table, I can tell this is upsetting him. And I see what’s different about him, he hasn’t slept. It kept him up at night. He needed some time and I was pissed at him because he didn’t want to hang out… I feel so terrible.

Which is why I do this.

**_Winston:_ ** _ I need to talk to you _

I hope Monty has his phone on him or this will be awkward if he doesn’t reply soon. Charlie isn’t paying attention to me anymore so I offer him my other sandwich to try to make him happy. He slowly nibbles at it.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Right now? _

I accidentally smile at my phone just seeing that he replied. I hope he didn’t see me do that. Or Charlie. No, he’s too deep in thought judging by his face. So I type my reply and then I wait for the next message. I take a quick look at his table but I can’t see him anywhere. He’s well hidden by his devoted followers. 

**_Monty:_ ** _ Should I come over to your table? _

No! I take another glance at his table and this time I see him peeking out from behind this guy with a giant blue bag. Freshmen. But I concentrate on Monty. Monty looking adorably concerned. Focus, you’re doing this for Charlie.

I shake my head at Monty and then I turn to my phone to answer his question.

**_Winston:_ ** _ No, somewhere else _

Asking him to talk in the bathroom sounds too weird. I'll let him decide. I bounce my leg as I watch those dots move up and down. 

**_Monty:_ ** _ Okay. Meet me outside by the benches? _

Easy. 

***

I've been sat here for the past two minutes. If I'm gonna for too long Charlie will know that something's wrong. 

I check my phone for the billionth time and there's nothing. And then I look up and he's walking towards my bench. Not many people are eating outside, only a group of girls and two guys who are sitting on opposite tables. One is reading a book, the other one is texting. Both of them look up when Monty passes by. I would too. 

He stops in front of me, puts his hands in his pockets and offers me a small smile. "Hey. What did you wanna talk about?" Our first face to face proper conversation since the night I was in his bedroom. We've spoken but it was either through text or just a 'hey, how are you' conversations when I was with Estela. 

"Charlie," I say and his eyebrows knit together. He hesitates, glances at the bench and then decides to sit down next to me. I move up a little, my legs tense up the second he sits down. I get that jittery feeling in my stomach again, he makes me so nervous it's embarrassing. 

"Your friend," Monty states and it's obvious that he has no idea why he's here. 

"He wants to quit the team," I tell him upfront with no beating around the bush. 

"Wha- Look, tell him that what happened yesterday wasn't a big deal," Monty says and he puts his hand on my shoulder. I'd be distracted by his hand if it wasn't for the fact that he's defending his shitty teammates. Sheri said this would happen. I look at him, not sure if I hate him or myself for making myself think he was perfect. He doesn't seem to notice. 

"I know he got his ass handed to him last night but we can work on it," Monty adds with a small nod and then his hand leaves my shoulder when he finally registers the fact that I don’t look happy at all.

"Work on it?" I repeat after him, scoffing at how ridiculous that sounds. He can't be serious. Charlie told me what happened. He didn’t have to tell me  _ exactly _ what they said but… I know what he meant. "They were fucking homophobic to him and you wanna  _ work on it?"  _ I stand in front of him and I cross my arms over my chest. I want an explanation for this. 

But instead, Monty looks even more confused than me. "Homophobic? What are you talking about?" He gets on his feet and stands in front of me. So close that I almost get distracted by how soft his lips look. Almost. 

"I'm talking about… Charlie?" I say uncertainly. "What are  _ you _ talking about?" he stares at me. I stare at him. Then his Adam's apple bobs up and down.

"About… Charlie?" He scratches the side of his head. "He, uh, got told off by coach yesterday. He messed up in practice. Doesn't matter." He shakes his head and then looks back up at me. "What were you saying before? About someone being homophobic?"

He narrows his eyes at me and waits. I forget everything for a second. He's standing so close to me, looking at me so intensely that my head starts spinning. But then I remember how Charlie stood up for me. So I tell Monty. 

I give him the short version, not mentioning the video or anything about me, just telling him what the actual issue is. Bryce. I finish talking and then the silence comes. I expect him to say he'll sort it out. Or that he'll talk to Charlie. He doesn't say any of those things. Actually, he doesn't say a thing. He steps past me and starts walking back towards the school.

"M-Monty! Where are you going?" I try to run after him but I have to get my bag, throw it over my shoulder and his power walking is already faster than my running. I only catch up with him by the door. 

"Charlie's not quitting the team," he tells me and then he heads for the canteen. Well that's cryptic. Though he has this look in his eye... I've never seen him look like this before.

He walks over to the football team's table straight away. They're all happy to see him, Bryce even calls him over and I notice the way Monty's jaw clenches. Okay I know he's mad but fuck, is he hot. 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Monty shouts over to the table and I stop dead in my tracks. I would rather not get close to that table right now. It's about to get messy. Everyone's eyes are on them. It falls quiet. 

Bryce looks confused, the guys look at one another before Bryce stands up. He walks over to Monty and tries to put his arm around his shoulders but Monty shrugs him off. 

"What the fuck is your problem with Charlie?" Monty snaps at him so loud that I'm sure they can hear him all the way in New York. He's standing up for Charlie. I knew he wasn't like Bryce, I knew there was a reason I liked him. Apart from the fact that he's hot. 

"I'll tell you what it is," Monty continues shouting when Bryce stands there like an idiot and no one from the team jumps in to defend him. "He's bisexual so you're making him quit the team." Bisexual. Monty knows Charlie isn't gay but bisexual. I guess Charlie forgot to mention the part where he came out to Monty. I wonder when that happened. But that's not relevant right now. 

"I'm not making him do any-"

"Well maybe I should quit the team too," Monty interrupts Bryce and from the corner of my eye, I see Charlie looking at me. He looks away immediately. Like I let him down. Fuck, I was doing this for  _ him. _

This time Scott jumps in. A bit late. And he looks just as confused as Monty when I first told him. "What are you-"

"If you wanna have a problem with Charlie, you're gonna have to have a problem with me too," Monty concludes and no one says a thing. No backtalk. 

I know one thing, I'm falling for him already. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading :)


	7. The Second Bad Idea

**Chapter Seven**

I wish I at least knew what was happening to him. Is he gonna get in trouble? Or is gonna make an enemy out of Bryce? I don't know what's worse. And I don't know what to think because no one's heard from Bryce or Monty since the fight and now I'm walking home with Estela and they're still at school. 

"I'm sure he's fine. And Charlie," Estela says but she doesn't sound too sure herself. And then she pulls her phone out for the tenth time in the past two minutes to check if Monty texted her. I've been doing the same. 

After a teacher tried to get Monty and Bryce to stop, Monty said he wanted to talk to the principal and then he stormed off with Bryce running after him. That was the last I saw of them. Then Charlie got taken out in the middle of class and I knew it must be something to do with the fight. 

I don't know if I should be glad that Monty stood up for Charlie or worried that he’ll blame me for this. He only got involved because I told him about Charlie. 

"God he's such an idiot," Estela groans and then she pushes her hair away from her face and behind her ears. We're walking slower than usual. Neither of us wants to go home and be alone. We're both worried sick. 

I wouldn't call Monty an idiot. If I'm being honest, I loved it that he reacted the way he did. He could have laughed it off, could have handled it privately but he didn't. And I've only known him for as little as a few weeks but I can tell he's gonna cause more trouble just by being here. 

"He meant well," I say with a shrug. Trying to get Estela to see Monty's side of things. 

"He always does. And he always gets shit for it," Estela mutters and then he nibbles at her bottom lip. She worries about her older brother, I think it's cute how close they are. I wish I had siblings but it's just me and my mom. 

I decide not to make it awkward by asking what she means. Monty will be okay, he knows how to take care of himself. 

"What was it about anyway?" Estela then asks and I almost choke on nothing. She and Jess were out, of course, so they missed the whole thing. I wish I went with them, then this would have never happened.

I don't know what to tell her. The truth? The simplified truth? Do I lie? What would Monty want me to say? "Uh… Bryce wanted to kick Charlie off the team. I guess Monty stood up for him." I guess. I know because I'm the one who put him up to it. 

Estela doesn't respond. She just looks away but she doesn't look annoyed. "That's good. I think." She's not sure what to think either. I wonder what she'd say if she knew the whole story. 

We keep walking in silence, checking our phones for anything for either Monty or Charlie. Or even Bryce’s friends because I’m sure they’ll be the first to know and they’ll post it all over their socials like they always do. Wanting to be the centre of attention.

But there’s nothing about the fight.

“I hope the school didn’t call my mom or anything…” Estela says as we get closer to her house. Technically Monty would be in football practice if this was a normal day so it doesn’t matter that he got kept back but the school could have gotten parents involved.

“I’m sure she’ll understand when you explain it to her,” I try to reassure Estela but I don’t really know their mother. My own mother would freak out if she got a text from school. She always worries about me.

“Yeah, it’s just that…” Estela says and she avoids eye contact. We stop in front of her house, just next to the place where Monty’s car is usually parked. She sighs. “Monty used to get into trouble a lot at our old school so… she’ll be pissed.”

I honestly can’t even picture Monty being one of those jocks that start shit for attention. But I should have known something was up the second he didn’t even hesitate to wreck Austin’s car. And that just makes me wonder if he had to move here because of something he did. 

“So I better get in there and explain before Monty gets a hundred missed calls from her.” Estela raises her eyebrows at me and then takes a step back. Right, yeah. I should leave her to it.

“Good luck,” I say and I’m about to tell her to let me know when she hears from Monty but… I chicken out. So then I walk home. All I have to do is cross the street.

Mom left a note on the fridge. _ Pizza in the oven, heat it up  _ 🤍. So at least one thing is gonna be easy today. All I have to do is turn the open on and wait. I even set an alarm for fifteen minutes on my phone so I don’t burn it like last time. I amaze myself with how organised I am sometimes.

I put on something more comfortable, thinner. The turtleneck was starting to make me sweat. And the fact that I'm still thinking about Monty kinda adds to it. 

I keep checking my phone, making sure I didn't miss any texts. Then just as I'm about to put my phone in my pocket, I get a message from Charlie. 

**_Charlie:_ ** _ Hey. Practice got cancelled for today. Don't wanna talk right now. Text you later.  _

Well that's… not what I expected. He didn't even tell me what happened or… fuck I did this for _ him _ so he wouldn't have to quit the team and now he's  _ mad?  _ I can tell he's mad, I can just sense the tone through the messages. So whatever. I guess I'll never do anything nice for him ever again. 

I bet Estela knows what happened. Monty wouldn't get in a mood with me like Charlie did. I'd text him to ask but I don't wanna seem annoying once again. I'll just wait for him to text me. And if he doesn't  _ then _ I'll text him. 

I eat my slightly burnt pizza with music playing in the background. Turns out fifteen minutes was a little too long but that's okay, I just cut off the crust. I sit in the living room and when I look out of the window, Monty's jeep is in the driveway. He's home. I wonder if he's getting told off right now. Monty might be trouble but he's worth it. Really. 

I keep waiting for him to text me, getting more and more impatient even though I know that texting me isn't exactly on his list of priorities right now. I just wish I knew what happened with the principal. Did they sort it out? I doubt it knowing the school's reputation. 

***

When mom came home she asked me about my day. She's been acting different since I told her about my pictures getting leaked. But it's okay, I never tell her the truth. Always say it was fine and nothing happened. Even if it did. So then I asked her about work to divert the conversation from me and it worked. 

With it being Friday night, I’m staying up late. Charlie still hasn’t texted me back. I messaged him to say that if he wants to talk I’m here. And now I’m worried that I messed up because he doesn’t want to talk to me. I swear I thought I was doing the right thing.

And I still have no idea what happened. I glance at my phone and then back to my notebook. A drawing of Monty confronting Bryce stares back at me. I need to talk to Monty. It’s my fault that he got involved in this anyway. When I look out of my window, I see that the light in his room is on. He isn’t sleeping yet. He never sleeps. Another thing to worry about. So I reach for my phone and I decide to test my luck.

**_Winston:_ ** _ Hey, how are you? _

It’s a simple question, he can answer it however he wants. But he must know that I’m asking because of Bryce. I look back and forth between my phone and my window until I see that Monty’s typing.

**_Monty:_ ** _ Hey I’m good _

That’s not really what I wanted from him. So I try again.

**_Winston:_ ** _ How did it go with Bryce? _

He must think that Charlie told me seeing as we’re friends but I’m in the dark. At least it’s an excuse to talk to Monty. But he doesn’t reply for a long time. The three dots move and then they disappear and then they move again. He never sends a message back. Was it that bad? Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned it. 

**_Monty:_ ** _ Can I call you? _

I grin when I read the message. Maybe I’m looking too deep into it but it seems like… he was nervous to send that message? Why else would it take him so long to reply? And now I have to think of a way to say no without coming across as rude. I prefer talking over text because the second I hear his voice I turn into mush and my brain can’t seem to work. I’ll just make a fool out of myself.

**_Winston:_ ** _ No, my voice is ugly _

**_Monty:_ ** _ Shut up I’m calling you _

… Okay. Okay. My eyes widen when I read the message. And he replied so fast too. Fuck, okay. I need to get a grip. It’s just a call, it’s just a call, it’s just a-

_ Monty calling... _

“Oh. Hi,” I say when I answer and I put my notepad away. Right under my bed so it’s out of sight. 

“Hey, ”Monty replies and then he clears his throat. He really does seem nervous. Nervous about talking to me? As if. “Just thought calling you would be easier,” Monty goes on to explain. “Didn’t wanna type out an essay.”

“Yeah, I get it.” I turn on my side so I can face the window while talking to him even though I can’t see him and he can’t see me. But it’s nice to know he’s just across the street. “So with Bryce…”

“Right,” Monty says and then he sighs. The last time I saw him he was pissed at Bryce and then before that he was touching my shoulder and asking me to tell him what happened. Now he just sounds tired. Which he probably is. “It was nothing. Literally. Bolan just let him off, told him to apologise to Charlie and that no one’s quitting the team.”

I frown. “But you were in there for so long…” All those hours just for Bryce to get away with everything? Though I’m not surprised.

Monty laughs softly and I’m smiling again without even knowing. “Yeah man, I wouldn’t stop arguing with him. Kinda my fault that it took so long. Didn't want to let Bryce get away with this shit.” Monty tells me. I’m willing to ignore the fact that he called me ‘man’ just because he’s so charming. 

“Thanks. For sticking up for Charlie,” I say and my hands start to sweat. I can already sense this conversation turning awkward. If Charlie is our only conversation topic then this isn’t gonna last long.

“Yeah, of course,” he says and then there’s a pause. “And for you too. I know you seemed kinda… upset about it. So.” I don’t answer. Is he trying to say that he did it for me? Because, fuck, I’ll take it. He didn’t have to say that but he did. He did. “Anyway, I’ll leave you alone now.” Monty then says. Shit, why didn’t I say anything? Idiot. “I know it’s late so you probably wanna… sleep now.”

“I’m not tired.” I say but what I mean is ‘please don’t hang up on me yet’. I don’t talk to him often so I’m not gonna let him go this easily. I wanna talk to him.

“You sure?”

“Yeah, yeah. I… I don’t wanna sleep yet,” I tell him and I rub my eyes. I was actually starting to get used to sleeping alone with my pillows but I can stay up if it means I get to talk to Monty. Or maybe he’s tried and he was just trying to end the conversation... “But if you wanna sleep then-”

“What? No, you know I can’t fall asleep,” Mont says and he chuckles. So  _ he  _ can’t sleep and he thinks _ I _ can’t sleep. Last time this ended in me going to his house. Being in his room. His bed.

“You can come over if you like.” I offer and then I squeeze my eyes shut. I shouldn’t have said that. Really shouldn't have but I did before I could change my mind.

There’s a short pause before Monty answers. “Yeah?” Don’t make me have to repeat myself.

“Yeah, er, I mean if you’re not busy.” Don’t wanna seem eager. 

“I’m not,” he replies and I can just imagine him smiling. He sounds like he is. “So see you in a few minutes. Bye.” And then he hangs up before I can reply. How long is a few minutes? Do I have time to shower? Sort out my hair? Or maybe I should- Fuck, my room’s a mess. I don’t want him to see this and think I can’t even clean my room. I can, I just don’t have the energy to most of the time. 

So I make my bed, I fold my clothes and put them away into my closet… and then anything that’s in plain sight I put away so that it’s not. My albums? In the closet. The polaroids on my wall? In the closet. Literally anything that makes me look somewhat interesting? In the closet. Shit, why am I even doing this? I don’t want him to judge me. Though I’m sure he never would.

Monty texts me instead of knocking which I appreciate because I’m not in the mood to explain to my mother why I’m sneaking a boy into my room at ten in the evening.

When I go downstairs and open the door for him, he smiles at me nervously. I take a second to check him out and see what he’s wearing. Black joggers and a green flannel. Monty and his flannels… But I’ll put up with it if it means I get to spend time with him.

“Hey, um, my mum’s sleeping so do you wanna go up to my room?” I ask casually when he walks in. Yes, that’s obviously the only reason why I want to go up to my room. 

“Sure,” Monty says with a shrug. No big deal. I was in his room and now he’s gonna be in mine. It’s what friends do. 

I walk up the stairs with Monty following close behind. Briefly, I pause by my mom's room to make sure she’s sleeping. She is. So then we go into my room. And I’m an idiot because I completely forgot that Monty was in my room before when I was ‘ill’.

“What happened here? Why does it look so bare?” is the first thing he asks when I close the door to my room behind us. He gestures towards the wall that was decorated with polaroids the last time he was here. 

“I’m… I got bored. Wanted to change it,” I say hoping he’ll believe me. And then I walk past him and crawl onto my bed. I don’t wanna talk about my walls with him but it’s nice to know he liked the pictures. Maybe a picture of us will go up on that wall someday.

“Oh.” Monty glances at me laying on the bed and then he looks away. Now who’s nervous? But then he takes a few steps towards the bed, sits on the edge and then lays down next to me. My breath hitches in my throat.

“Any news on Austin or has he finally left you alone?” Monty asks, slightly raising his eyebrow at me. I actually forgot about Austin, I was so busy obsessing over Monty that… I haven’t thought about him until now.

“No, I think he left me alone.” For now. I haven’t heard from him since I told him to get out of my house. I couldn’t tell Charlie about it because he had his own issues and I didn’t want to tell Estela because she was busy with Jess so it’s nice to finally have someone to talk to about it.

“And are you okay? Or do I have to smash his car again?” Monty asks and I can’t help but laugh. He smiles at me and I blush. Why do I blush?  _ Why?  _ All he did was smile at me and I’m done for. And he said that he only did it because Estela asked him to. Sure Monty.

“I’m okay. I think you’ve done enough car smashing,” I say and Monty grins and then looks away. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says with this stupid grin on his face and then he lightly shakes his head. Before I can ask what he means, Monty shrugs but doesn’t stop grinning. “So what do you wanna do?” 

“What do _ you _ wanna do?”

“I don’t know…” he says and then he finally turns his head towards me. “What are my options?” He lays on his side with his head resting on his hand, just like he did when we were in his bed.

"Why do  _ I _ have to give you options?" I ask. I don't wanna suggest doing something boring that he won't like. So he raises his eyebrows at me and inches closer. I feel my body tense up because his knee is so so  _ so  _ close to touching my leg. 

"I'm the guest here," he says smugly. And when I was the guest at his house, he fell asleep.

"Okay  _ guest," _ I huff and I sit up. Monty laughs at me. Actually laughs. I’m glad he’s finding this funny because I’m freaking out and I have no idea what I should do with him. I mean I have a few ideas but… Not until I know how straight he is.

“Hey, what’s that?” I look away for just a second and I turn back just in time to see Monty getting off my bed and walking towards the very old bookcase that hasn’t been touched in years. The last time I picked up a book from it was maybe two years ago and I used it to kill a spider. 

“What?” I ask, starting to panic. My shirt clings to my back as I watch Monty grab something from the bookcase. He turns around grinning and with a game of monopoly in his hands. Oh, does he actually want to play? That’s kinda… cute.

“Wanna play?” I sure do.

***

“Dude, what do you mean you’re not paying? You’re literally standing on my property, give me my money.” Monty raises his eyebrows at me. His money is sprawled all over my bed whereas I’ve got about three banknotes and I’m broke. “This is basically fraud.”

“And this game is stupid.” I'm not giving Monty my money. He's already won and yet he has to torment me. I bow my head which is a mistake. Monty immediately moves closer to me, he leans in and it's like everything is heightened and I'm just waiting to feel his skin on mine. 

"Someone doesn't like losing," he says quietly and he's so close that it's like he's whispering in my ear. But then he takes the fake cash out of my hand and I breathe out shakily when he moves back to his space. I could handle losing to him. 

"So unfair," I mutter and when I look up, Monty is smiling to himself. I glance at the clock and it's so close to midnight. And he still doesn't look tired. I have no idea how this boy manages to stay alive. Must be all that coffee he reeks of all the time. But in a nice way. Like a cafe. 

I roll the dice, move my piece four steps forward and I land on Monty's property again. I look up, he grins and I grin even though I don't want to. So fucking unfair that he can get me like this. 

"Do you wanna keep playing or are you ready to admit you lost?" he asks smugly and I want to keep playing just to show him I don't give in easily but I'm kinda… tired. And I'm not gonna kick Monty out of course so maybe if I just fall asleep on him… 

"Fine, you won. Happy?" I say pretending to be annoyed. And then he nods and looks down at the board game. 

"Knew I'd win, always beat Estela," he brags as I start collecting the cash and putting it back in the box. 

"No one likes a show-off," I mutter which leads to him giving me a little push on the shoulder. Oh so he's getting touchy now? Good. "Besides, I've only played this game like twice in my life so winning against me isn't really an accomplishment," I say.

Monty raises an eyebrow. "Twice?"

I shrug as he folds the board and places it inside the box. "Didn’t have anyone to play with. No siblings, mom was busy and I… I don't know. I've never asked Charlie to play  _ Monopoly  _ with me. Seems stupid." I put the rest of the game pieces away in silence not realizing that Monty is looking at me as I do it. 

When I look up, he's got this look in his eyes and he's biting his bottom lip. The pity look. "Don't look at me like that," I say and I laugh even though it feels like there's something stuck with my throat. Yeah okay, I was a lonely kid and I didn't really have anyone but myself. I would have done anything for a sibling. 

"Like what?" 

Does he even have to ask? "Like you're… like you feel sorry for me. I'm not- I don't need you to feel sorry for me. I'm fine." I never once make eye contact with him while speaking but I can feel like staring at me and my throat goes dry. I don't like it that it always feels like he can see right through me. I don't want him to. It's so fucking scary, why can't he just see the person I am on the outside? The person everyone else sees. 

"I wasn't looking at you like that," Monty says casually and then he clears his throat. Right now I made things awkward. Great. I need to think of something to say. 

"So, um, I'm gonna go wash my hands and then we can… do something else after?" I suggest and then we glance at the clock at the same time. "Unless you're tired?" Monty quickly shakes his head. "I'm not. I'm up for watching a movie if you are." The two of us watching a movie on my bed… I'm up for it. 

He doesn't ask why I need to wash my hands. I don't really. I just wanted to make sure I look okay. I stand in front of the mirror feeling slightly uneasy because I left Monty alone in my room. With my things. And all the billions of drawings I did of him. 

I wash my hands anyway and I brush my hair into place. I look much better. I look good actually. Good enough for Monty to kiss me during the movie? I hope so. 

And then I tiptoe to my room, I open the door and all my hopes of kissing Monty disappear. He's sprawled in the middle of my bed. Clearly asleep. Okay Mister 'I'm never tired'. 

I don't know what to do. This is my bed but it's not like I can throw Monty over my shoulder and carry him to his house. So what do I do? Do I get in bed with him? But then he'll wake up and think I'm a creep. But I'm not sleeping on the sofa in my own house just because Monty always chooses to fall asleep on me. Why does he have to make things so difficult? 

I try to move him to one side of the bed but he's really fucking heavy. And he doesn't wake up when I accidentally hit him on the back of the head with my elbow. My mistake. So looks like we're gonna have to sleep in the same bed… how unfortunate. I turn the lights off and my heart doesn't stop pounding knowing that Monty is sleeping in  _ my  _ bed. 

I keep my clothes on and then I slide in under the duvet while Monty sleeps on top of it. Somehow that makes it less creepy. I thought just thinking about him being in my bed was overwhelming but after about two minutes of laying in silence, Monty shifts closer to me and he throws his arm over me. Okay… deep breaths. I can take it. I know how to breathe. But his hand rests on my lower stomach like it's just second nature. Looks like he's used to spooning people. Probably that girl Estela told me about. But right now I don't care because he's spooning  _ me. _

***

I wake up with a start when a grip around me tightens. Someone’s squeezing the life out of me.

I open my eyes and I think I'm dreaming. I'm laying next to Monty.  _ Facing _ Monty and he looks so  _ good _ . His arms are around me, his hand clutching at my shirt and when his eyes meet mine, he quickly let's go and moves away looking like he got burnt. 

He's covered in sweat and his breathing is heavy. I recognise the look. He's had a nightmare. I used to wake up like this in the middle of the night after my dad died. 

"Hey, hey. You okay?" I sit up when he does and his breathing only gets heavier to the point where he's panting. "Monty?" He shakes his head. I take a deep breath before putting my hand on his shoulder. Monty flinches. 

"What are you-"

"It's okay. I'm here with you," I whisper and I'm glad it's dark so he can't see how red my face is. I’d never be able to be this forward with him but seeing Monty vulnerable makes me realise I have the chance to take charge. 

I wrap my arms around him from behind and then I rest my head on his shoulder. I'm not sure if it's his or my heartbeat that I can hear drumming in my head. Then Monty tilts his head so that his temple is touching the top of my head. It's definitely my heartbeat.

We sit like that for a few minutes and long after Monty's breathing goes back to normal. Then he moves his shoulder slightly like he wants me to let go now without actually telling me. So I do. I move away from him, unpeel myself from his back and then I look away. That was… Intense. 

Monty rubs the back of his neck like he's not sure what to say. Then I see his eyes resting on the digital clock. "Oh shit. Did I fall asleep here?" He doesn't wait for me to answer but he gets out of bed. It's almost four in the morning and yeah, you did kinda fall asleep here. In my bed with me. 

I stare at him as he looks around for the flannel he took off during our game of monopoly. Seems so long ago. I hold my breath when he reaches under the bed. Not the fucking notepad. If he finds that then I'm done. He's never gonna speak to me ever again. He doesn't find it, he's in too much of a rush searching for his flannel. 

"Are you-" Leaving me? 

"I gotta go," he says which isn't really an explanation. I gotta go. Why? Monty, you sure are a man of mystery. I'd tell him to stay but I don't. I need to keep up appearances and I don't want Monty to think I'm clingy. 

"See you," he whispers in a hurry and then he leaves me. It all happens so quickly. One second he's laying in bed with me and then the next I hear his footsteps walking down the stairs. 

Did I dream about this? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, not sure when ill update next because i wanna focus on tah for a little while and then i might take a week off i feel like i might need it, not sure yet.   
> hope you enjoyed this chapter :)

**Author's Note:**

> first chapter that idek how long ago i wrote but im looking forward to continuing this so let me know what you thought :)


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